It all started because we were drowning. You know that feeling when you're constantly reacting to whatever is happening next, never getting ahead of anything, and everyone is going in different directions? Yeah, that was us. (Still is, to some extent.)
When you have a family of nine people like we do, busyness isn't a cute badge of honor - it's a survival threat. So I started borrowing tools from business to keep our family functioning.
What's Been Working
🗓️ Weekly Planning Night: Dana and I have our "family team meeting" once a week. We go through next week's calendar, talk through decisions that need to be made, and check in on what each family member needs.
⬜️ The Sunday Whiteboard: On Sunday mornings I write our house project list on the whiteboard and assign names to everything. Kids check the board, we go to church, then tackle the list when we get home. Clear expectations, no random assignments throughout the day. It works well for everyone.
👊 Stand-Ups: Three mornings a week after Bible reading, we all review the day's plan and sync on tasks. Takes five minutes and saves hours of confusion.
This system worked great when our kids were little and their lives revolved entirely around our family schedule.
But Now We Have a Problem
Our teenagers have jobs. Our oldest high school student starts college classes this fall. They'll be driving soon. They're not just participants in our family system anymore - they're becoming stakeholders.
And I'm honestly not sure how to handle it in terms of how our family operates.
They notice things we miss: when the chickens run out of food or when we need to plan better for busy weeks. They have ideas about new family activities that would be fun for us to try.
But our current "family team system" is setup like they're still 8 years old. We make the plans and assign the tasks – they follow along. It feels like that should change now.
The Question I'm Wrestling With
How do we invite our older kids into those weekly planning meetings? Into our monthly budgeting sessions? Into helping us track and communicate house projects?
I'm wrestling with a tension: They're young adults living in this house, so their schedules affect everyone, and they're also going to need these skills someday in their own homes, so now is the time for them to start learning.
But another part of me is like, "But they're still teenagers." I think I'm ready to make the shift from, "We're telling you what the plan is," to, "What do you think the plan should be?" but I expect the transition will be a bit clumsy.
Why This Matters
Here's what I'm realizing: in business, when team members gain experience and take on more responsibility, you naturally include them in higher-level planning. Your best employees become advisors.
Maybe that's exactly what needs to happen with our teenagers.
What I'm Going to Try
I think we should start by keeping it simple and see how it goes. Dana and I will get their input on hosting friends, family activities, how we budget our finances, and prioritizing some of the house projects.
The goal isn't to turn every family decision into a democracy, but maybe it's time to stop treating capable teenagers like they're along for the ride instead of recognizing they could actually help drive... and become more responsible, prepared adults in the process.
