The following post is contributed by Mike Kupferer, one of the youth ministry mentors.

Read the entire “Veteran advice for new youth workers” series.

What are the youth ministry lessons I have learned over the years that would have been helpful at the beginning? This is the question I asked myself when trying to think about what kind of advice to share. I finally settled on three lessons to share, which I think will help you set a solid foundation for the rest of your ministry career. These three lessons are: connect with parents, be yourself, and be more concerned about what God thinks than what Timmy’s parents think.

1. Connect with parents

The first lesson I want to share is that you need to connect with parents. Most youth workers understand the importance of connecting with the students. You know how to meet for lunch, shoot hoops, play video games or just sit down and talk with students. You want to do that because the students are the reason you got into youth ministry. But do not forget to connect with the parents of those students. I don’t mean just on Sunday morning or before a big trip. I mean visiting them at home, having them over to your house, dropping by their workplace (when you can), or anything that is a one-on-one type of interaction. As you get to know them better, you will know how to better minister to them. Plus, you need to get to know the family structure and atmosphere that your students are involved in. The more you know about a student and his parents, the better you can minister to the family.

2. Be yourself

This second lesson is a little more personal: you have to be yourself. God created you as an individual with specific gifts and abilities. You are not like that high profile youth worker or that nationally-known minister, or even the previous youth worker. If you have the gift of compassion, use it. If you are musically talented, make music a big part of your contribution to the ministry. If you are not a great speaker, find someone who is and have them do the upfront teaching. Do not pretend to be someone you are not – it will only harm you and the ministry. You will never be your most effective (determined by God) in youth ministry when you are focused on being someone you were never created to be. Now, I am not saying you do not need to improve yourself and your ministry – you do. Being yourself means that you should be maturing and growing as a Christian. With this growth will come a change in your youth ministry. When you allow God to mold you and change you, you will begin to see your students changing the way they interact with God, too.

3. Value God’s opinion most!

The last lesson I learned, and want to pass on to you, is that you have to be more concerned about what God thinks than what Timmy’s parents think. As you lead the ministry, you will begin to notice there are people who have opinions. These people may be parents, grandparents, aunts, neighbors, longtime members and even the students. Some of the time they will like what is happening within the ministry. At other times, there will be people who do not like what is happening and how you handle their observations will determine how you minister to the students. There are three common ways to handle what other people think: completely believe what they say, completely ignore what they say, or react based on whose opinion it is. None of these are healthy for a youth worker. But, I also think there is a better way – focus not on what people think, but on what God thinks. When you are spending time in God’s Word and prayer, you are learning to listen to His guiding. As a youth worker, listening to God and following His leading is far more important than making Timmy’s parents happy with you. As you follow God, people will see His hand within your youth ministry. When people begin to see God working in the lives of the students, they have a tough time arguing with a petty difference of opinion.

—————————————————————

Mike Kupferer has been in youth ministry for over 7 years and still loves it. He loves students and desires to see their lives changed because of Jesus. The only thing Mike loves more than youth ministry (and God, of course) is his family.

The following post is contributed by Kevin Twombly, one of the youth ministry mentors.

Read the entire “Veteran advice for new youth workers” series.

I started my role as Youth Pastor in a church plant. We had twenty people in the church when we began eleven years ago. The youth group equated to one teenager who came because his parents made him come. I saw my role in his life as one of an encourager. I made attempts to connect with him after school and on weekends. He played baseball so I made it a point to show up a game or two to cheer him on. Over time we developed a mutual trust and he began to call me for advice with different things that he was dealing with. In the course of a year and a half the youth group grew from one student to five. This young man began to tell his friends about his church and his youth group (can you call it a group if there is only one youth?).

Over time there were more teens that began to show up, some who were being added to the church because their families attended the church and others who were coming because their friends were inviting them. Fast forward eleven years and we now average one hundred and fifty students in our youth ministry. I have spoken with many new youth leaders/pastors who desire to grow their youth ministry large and quick. A verse that was shared with me many years ago and one that I cling to even now is found in Zechariah 4:10,

“Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin.”

Whether you have one youth or hundreds, what are the basic things that are foundational to your ministry? Do youth feel welcomed, accepted, cared for when they meet you? Do they attend because they like the way that they feel when they are at your youth group?

Put people first. I love the song by Billy Joel, “It’s all about soul.” We change the words and sing, “It’s all about souls!” Yes, I am interested in growing in numbers, but not at the expense of losing who we are as a ministry. I don’t want a crowd for bragging rights. I understand that each teenager that walks through our doors is a soul and they matter to God. Because of that they matter to me. We make it a point to get to know the kids that come to our ministry. We are purposeful in our small groups because we know that even with a large group of teens we have the ability to make our ministry small and personal to each student.

Don’t desire growth in numbers so that you can play the comparison game with other youth leaders. Desire personal growth in your own life and in each of the lives of the youth that God has entrusted to you. Make the most of every opportunity with them. If you have one teen who comes faithfully celebrate that! Pour all that you have into that one teenager and trust that God will use them to reach a whole generation of youth during their lifetime.

Far too many youth leaders play the comparison game with larger youth ministries and that is unhealthy. Don’t do it. Appreciate the youth that are coming. Make the most of those relationships. When growth in numbers becomes less of a focus and you create a healthy ministry where every person matters you will most likely experience new growth in attendance as well. C.S. Lewis said this, “Put first things first and you get second things thrown in; put second things first and we lose them both.” May you focus on the “first things” that matter.

—————————————————————

Kevin Twombly has been the Generations Pastor at Grace Capital Church in Pembroke, NH for the last 10 years. During this time the youth group has grown from 1 student (church plant) to a thriving group of over 150 students that meet weekly for a large group and small group setting. Kevin is a very relational leader who desires to equip others in Youth Ministry in order to continue to expand the Kingdom of God.

The following post is contributed by Tony Myles, one of the youth ministry mentors.

Read the entire “Veteran advice for new youth workers” series.

My dear brothers and sisters, please take the time to grow up.

(Thanks. I was trying to sound biblical there with the intro, but did need to throw in a good punch at the end.)

I’m reminded of a time when I sat down with my mentor some years ago and showed him sketches and sketches of a great structure I was going to implement into our local youth ministry. He looked it over with great interest, and was about to tell me something amazing over lunch when we sat down to talk about it.

I just knew he was.

He had to.

And yet, instead of complimenting me on how much of a genius I was for conceiving of something that didn’t borrow from Saddleback or Willow Creek, he simply said this: “If it be God’s will, may it succeed and succeed well.”

What the heck does that mean?

I walked away defeated in that conversation because I was setting out to prove my worth and felt that was the best way to do it.

Maybe you’ve struggled with this, too.

Perhaps you’ve had “parents night” in your ministry where you bring all the families together so they can hear your great plan to save their kids and every teenager in the community. I can’t speak for you, but I have to admit that on my end some of those nights were for them to nod their heads in approval at me. I didn’t realize it at the time, but in hindsight I find that even the coveted consequence of a parent’s night — more of them volunteering in “my” ministry – was more self-centered than anything else.

Or maybe you’ve done “youth Sunday” where you get all the kids on stage at the same time in order to wow the congregation. Kids who don’t normally sing get to sing, mainly because it looks impressive on stage. Throw in a skit, an edgy video, a boisterous sermon, and a comment at the end about how youth are the church of tomorrow or today (take your pick).

Perhaps you feel I’ve stereotyped you.

Actually, this is more confessional.

Because this isn’t about your calling. We all have some story about how God has called us into ministry, but that doesn’t make your calling the most important one. The Lord may have allow you to have the title of pastor (or get your name in the bulletin), but if you start acting like a martyr when people forget to call you reverend you have lost sight of what matters. You don’t have to write the next book or come up with a new model to feel validated — simply be faithful to whatever God asks you to do each day, whether that takes you on or off stage.

Because this isn’t about your job. If you’re one of the rare people who get paid full-time to work with students, be prepared to give up that job tomorrow. You are a specialist, which means that if the needs of the church require your congregation to no longer have a youth pastor you need to be the first to recognize that. I once saw a large group of youth workers in a denomination fight against a structural change because of how it affected their job security, and for no other reason than that. May we set our sights on something other than professional comfort.

Because this isn’t about you. Be honest – a lot of what you do gets unnoticed, creating a temptation to want to be noticed. To borrow a phrase from John Ortberg, learn the practice of secrecy: do amazing things without getting found out about them, hold your tongue when you want to sound smart, and celebrate with others whom you would be tempted to be jealous of.

Please forgive any stereotypes that are not true of you.

But if you have felt at all awkward as I’ve shared some of my own bumbling…

then it’s time to grow up.

Please take the time to grow up.

How?

Align yourself with God.

And as you do that may you succeed.

And succeed well.

—————————————————————

Tony Myles is a 16-year youth ministry veteran who now serves as lead pastor of Connection Church in Medina, Ohio. His love for the Church and its future has spilled out into writing, coaching, and conference speaking. He’s written the book Miracles of Jesus, is a part of the Emergent Village Coordinating Group, and helped produce Christian Endeavor’s Pray21 campaign. And he really, really likes smoothies.

The following post is contributed by Brian Ford. Read the entire “Veteran advice for new youth workers” series.

No red flags were waved, no sirens were sounded, and no one pulled me aside to sit me down and warn me. The day I answered God’s call to full time youth ministry I really had no clue what I was getting myself into. I’ll admit — if someone had warned me about the struggles of youth ministry I probably would have run the other direction. It’s been over ten years and I love what I do, but it’s come with many lessons not taught in any seminary class or youth ministry seminar.

I remember the first big lessons I learned in youth ministry. I had been serving as a volunteer Youth Director for a church in North Jersey for three years when everything came crashing down. I had turned ministry into a business and soon found myself stepping down from my position. Not because I wanted to, but because I was asked to stepped down.

The focus of “I”

During my three years as their youth director I accomplished some amazing things. Notice the key word: “I.” I was able to organize and prepare winter retreats, summer camps, and many other events. I was able to stand before a group of students and speak. I was able to lead my adult volunteer staff and persuade them to follow me. But what I wasn’t doing was allowing God to lead the team of adult volunteers or plan the right events. I wasn’t allowing God to speak to the students by allowing Him to speak through me. I wasn’t allowing God to train and teach me what I needed to know about youth ministry by deepening my own faith. Everything I did was centered on what I wanted to see happen. My view of youth ministry was based on what I saw in magazines, websites and the occasional youth ministry conference where entertainment was the focal point of the weekend. Bottom-line: I ran the youth ministry like a business. I operated the same way in ministry as I did in my secular job (I was customer business rep for a nation wide copy center).

The conversation that changed everything

It was spring and I was neck deep in planning the 30-Hour Famine. A few days went by and I continued with my agenda, planning the upcoming 30-Hour Famine. Then one night my roommate and youth leader at the time knocked on my door. “Can I talk to you?,” he asked. “We need to talk about this coming weekend and the 30-Hour Famine.” Once again my all business attitude took over as I assumed he wanted to discuss the details of the weekend. So I went into self-centered mode and began to share my thoughts and ideas as well as how awesome (fun) the weekend will be with the many things “I” had planned. In the nicest way he could, he cut me off with these words: “Brian, the Pastor and the leadership has decided you won’t be involved in the 30-Hour Famine. Pastor will be stopping by to speak with you. I’m just here to get any information you have about the event so the leadership team can make a decision whether to cancel or postpone the event.”

I was so wrapped up with my own agenda and my own way because I was a “big shot youth director” I totally missed what I had done. As a result of my pride and self-centeredness the pastor asked me to step down as the youth director for an undetermined amount of time. He said, “Ministry is about your relationship with Christ. I’m afraid you haven’t grasped what that truly means. Ministry is not meant to be run like a business.”

My heart was broken as I realized what I had done. That night after meeting with the Pastor I spent what seemed like hours on my bedroom floor crying out to God asking for forgiveness, asking for restoration, and seeking the Holy Spirit for answers. That night I realized the truth, but I had put planning and organizing ahead of relationships; relationships with people and my relationship with Jesus.

The main point

There’s more to this story, but for the sake of editing and size I’ve shortened it. The point is nothing you do in ministry will ever be more important than your relationship with Jesus. Focus on growing deep in your own faith, not running a business. Youth ministry is not about you.

—————————————————————
Brian Ford began his ministry as the Youth Director for a church in New Jersey over 12 years ago. In 2002 he and his wife Kim joined the ministry of Interim Youth Ministries, Inc. a ministry designed to equip and train youth workers. Brian is also a speaker for youth events as well as writer.

Series Intro
I’m very excited about the upcoming series here at Life In Student Ministry. Some of the youth ministry veterans on the Youth Ministry Mentorship Team have contributed guest blog posts on their advice for new youth workers, specifically those who have been in youth ministry for 2 years or fewer. However, the wisdom they share is applicable for all of us. I’m looking forward to sharing their insights with you over the next couple days.

I’ll start the series by talking a little bit about the importance of casting a vision for your youth ministry.

The importance of casting a vision

Every new youth worker wants to lead an effective youth ministry that reaches a lot of students for Christ. This is an admirable goal, but the way most new youth workers go about it is completely wrong.

First, they look to the “big shots” in youth ministry and try to copy what they’re doing, because obviously they’re using a proven method, right? So, the new youth worker reads, “Purpose Driven Youth Ministry,” and tries to replicate it. A couple years later they realize that they’re still having the same struggles and that not much has changed in their ministry. Frustrated, they look for something else and try to copy that, like Willow Creek’s model. Apparently the ministry system worked for them, so why not for us? But again, it leads to frustration and not the “Willow Creek” results they were looking for.

There’s nothing wrong about ministry models except the process most new youth workers take in implementing them: they try to copy the Lord’s vision for someone else’s ministry and think that it must somehow also be the Lord’s vision for their ministry.

Some of the general principles of every model may definitely apply, but the actual vision for your ministry will always be very different. Here’s why:

You are a unique individual created by God with a specific set of gifts, talents and abilities that differ from anyone else on this planet. The people in your ministry are also very unique, and so is your community and your ministry context. Even your value system is at least somewhat different from anyone else. Ministry models contain solid Biblical principles, but you are not Rick Warren or Bill Hybles. These people are leading incredible ministries because they didn’t search to copy someone else’s vision for ministry — they sought the Lord’s leading for their own ministry and then pursued it with great passion. That’s exactly what you need to do.

Spend time seeking the Lord for His direction for your ministry. This isn’t an overnight process. It takes months, maybe even years, before His vision for your ministry becomes clear and finally clicks. You need to constantly be reading His Word, being sensitive to the Holy Spirit’s prompting, and asking the Lord to share His dream for your ministry with you. And when He does, man, you will be consumed with it!

As you begin to see the vision take shape in your mind and your heart, it will become your passion to share it with others and get them on board with it. Your vision will become so compelling that it will be contagious and the people around you can’t help but want to jump on board. Before long, you’ll have a movement of people all working together to accomplish His dream for your body of believers.

That’s when you’ll see amazing things start to happen, as you seek the Lord and follow His direction for your ministry instead of whatever top ministry strategy Google brings up. No longer will you feel like you’re jumping from one program to the next, one event idea to the next cool idea, one curriculum series to something else, with no interlinking connection or direction. Everything will be moving cohesively together toward something God has laid on your heart and it will be incredible!

Read the Entire Series
The entire series can be found here as the posts are published throughout next week (starting October 14, 2008).