Last week I wrote a guest blog post for YouthMinBlog.com on their weekly topic of building relationships with teens. I decided to take a bit of a different approach, though. In fact, I argued that the #1 key ingredient to building healthy relationships with teens actually has nothing to do with the teens at all.

[ Read the full article over at YouthMinBlog.com ]

1. People don’t commit to programs. They commit to relationships. One of the first questions a kid asks before signing up for a youth trip: “Who else is going?” Most people don’t care about the program, the trip, or the event as much as they care about the people they’ll be with. How is your ministry leveraging relationships with teens, both peer relationships and adult relationships? Does the program serve the spiritually encouraging relationships or do the people serve the program?

2. People don’t commit to programs. They commit to vision. People rally behind a vision, rarely behind a program. Passionately communicate the vision for your ministry and get people on board with that. When the vision is contagious and people understand how they fit into the big overall picture, then they become excited about the program that may guide them there. People want to be part of a movement, something that is significant and is bigger than they are. Where is your youth ministry going? How compelling is the direction? Are you passionate about it or is it just a statement typed on a piece of paper?

Programs are here to serve the relationships, the vision of your ministry, and ultimately to bring glory to God as a body of Christ, not the other way around. If you’re spending a lot of energy trying to get people to commit to your programs, you have it all backwards.

It should never be about the program in the first place.

Unfortunately, when many people think of a youth worker, they think of someone who is outgoing, athletic, has a goatee, and can play the guitar. In reality, though, we all know that these qualities have absolutely no bearing on whether someone is a great youth leader or not. There are much deeper character issues that are essential, such as spiritual maturity and a passion for teenagers. Maybe we haven’t considered some of these other not-so-public traits that are a part of every great youth worker out there.

1. They don’t know everything

The funny thing about knowledge is that the more you know, the more you realize how much you don’t know. Great youth workers are more than willing to admit that they don’t know everything. In fact, those who have been in ministry for decades are the ones who admit that they have the most learning to do!

2. They are teachable and humble

Since great youth workers are willing to admit that they don’t know everything, they are also very teachable and open to learning from others. That doesn’t mean they accept all input as wisdom, but they’re at least willing to honestly weigh it against their experience and make any adjustment as deemed necessary.

3. They are approachable

There’s that unspoken quality of great youth leaders where people just feel comfortable talking with them openly and privately, not because the leader signed an agreement to be confidential, but because they are naturally trustworthy and respected.

4. They spend time with the Lord

There’s a saying that that behind every great leader is a great spouse, but even more importantly, there is a great God in front of them with whom that leader communes with every day. A youth leader can only be great when they are first and foremost wholeheartedly following the Lord in their own personal life.

5. They take plenty of time off

A good youth leader recognizes that youth ministry is a marathon, not a sprint. They establish healthy boundaries in ministry, they maintain good relationships at home, and take plenty of time to keep their emotional and physical batteries charged, knowing that they are no good to anyone else if they don’t first keep their own lives in check.

6. They train others, then delegate

A good youth worker knows that ministry is not about trying to do it all on their own. Instead, they equip the body of Christ for service and then, once properly trained, they hand aspects of the ministry off to other people, knowing that only then will the ministry really start to grow.

7. They never stop learning

Reading both ministry and non-ministry material is a regular part of any good youth worker’s schedule. They attend seminars when possible and regularly interact with other youth workers who challenge and stimulate their thinking. This ensures that both their minds and ministry will never fall into a rut.

8. They model more than they teach

The most effective learning takes place when something is caught, not taught. Great youth leaders know this and live lives that are continually investing into the teenagers and parents around them, not only from a stage, but in everyday life by letting them see how faith and real life intersect in their own lives all the time.

9. They admit weaknesses

Not only do the admit weaknesses, but they don’t dwell on them either. Instead, they delegate their areas of weakness in ministry to someone who is strong in that area. Together they form a team that is exponentially more powerful than they were apart.

What other traits would you add to this list?

The following post is contributed by Brian Ford. Read the entire “Veteran advice for new youth workers” series.

No red flags were waved, no sirens were sounded, and no one pulled me aside to sit me down and warn me. The day I answered God’s call to full time youth ministry I really had no clue what I was getting myself into. I’ll admit — if someone had warned me about the struggles of youth ministry I probably would have run the other direction. It’s been over ten years and I love what I do, but it’s come with many lessons not taught in any seminary class or youth ministry seminar.

I remember the first big lessons I learned in youth ministry. I had been serving as a volunteer Youth Director for a church in North Jersey for three years when everything came crashing down. I had turned ministry into a business and soon found myself stepping down from my position. Not because I wanted to, but because I was asked to stepped down.

The focus of “I”

During my three years as their youth director I accomplished some amazing things. Notice the key word: “I.” I was able to organize and prepare winter retreats, summer camps, and many other events. I was able to stand before a group of students and speak. I was able to lead my adult volunteer staff and persuade them to follow me. But what I wasn’t doing was allowing God to lead the team of adult volunteers or plan the right events. I wasn’t allowing God to speak to the students by allowing Him to speak through me. I wasn’t allowing God to train and teach me what I needed to know about youth ministry by deepening my own faith. Everything I did was centered on what I wanted to see happen. My view of youth ministry was based on what I saw in magazines, websites and the occasional youth ministry conference where entertainment was the focal point of the weekend. Bottom-line: I ran the youth ministry like a business. I operated the same way in ministry as I did in my secular job (I was customer business rep for a nation wide copy center).

The conversation that changed everything

It was spring and I was neck deep in planning the 30-Hour Famine. A few days went by and I continued with my agenda, planning the upcoming 30-Hour Famine. Then one night my roommate and youth leader at the time knocked on my door. “Can I talk to you?,” he asked. “We need to talk about this coming weekend and the 30-Hour Famine.” Once again my all business attitude took over as I assumed he wanted to discuss the details of the weekend. So I went into self-centered mode and began to share my thoughts and ideas as well as how awesome (fun) the weekend will be with the many things “I” had planned. In the nicest way he could, he cut me off with these words: “Brian, the Pastor and the leadership has decided you won’t be involved in the 30-Hour Famine. Pastor will be stopping by to speak with you. I’m just here to get any information you have about the event so the leadership team can make a decision whether to cancel or postpone the event.”

I was so wrapped up with my own agenda and my own way because I was a “big shot youth director” I totally missed what I had done. As a result of my pride and self-centeredness the pastor asked me to step down as the youth director for an undetermined amount of time. He said, “Ministry is about your relationship with Christ. I’m afraid you haven’t grasped what that truly means. Ministry is not meant to be run like a business.”

My heart was broken as I realized what I had done. That night after meeting with the Pastor I spent what seemed like hours on my bedroom floor crying out to God asking for forgiveness, asking for restoration, and seeking the Holy Spirit for answers. That night I realized the truth, but I had put planning and organizing ahead of relationships; relationships with people and my relationship with Jesus.

The main point

There’s more to this story, but for the sake of editing and size I’ve shortened it. The point is nothing you do in ministry will ever be more important than your relationship with Jesus. Focus on growing deep in your own faith, not running a business. Youth ministry is not about you.

—————————————————————
Brian Ford began his ministry as the Youth Director for a church in New Jersey over 12 years ago. In 2002 he and his wife Kim joined the ministry of Interim Youth Ministries, Inc. a ministry designed to equip and train youth workers. Brian is also a speaker for youth events as well as writer.