We’re all in youth ministry because we want to see teens move from being spiritually apathetic to being spiritually passionate, so when time passes and we see no signs of growth, it gets frustrating. Often we feel like we’re wasting our time, that our investment is pointless or that we should move our focus to a student that might produce more favorable results. It’s important to understand why we become frustrated because maybe then we won’t give up as easily on that “hard to reach” kid.

1. Unrealistic Expectations
What is it exactly that you expect to see in the teenager who’s supposedly not growing? Apparently you feel the student is not where you think they should be, but what is it that place where you think they should be right now? Perhaps your idea is unrealistic, especially since it’s quite possible that there are other factors in that student’s life and thought process that are unknown to you.

2. Remember: growth is a process
The process is longer for some than for others. It also takes a different path for everyone. There’s no such thing as microwavable spiritual fruit — it takes time to grow. Just because the fruit isn’t ripening as fast as you think it should doesn’t mean it won’t ripen eventually, maybe at a time when you’re not around to observe it. Allow the Holy Spirit to work in His timing.

3. We’re watching close-up
Staring at a pot of dirt to watch a seed grow is frustrating. You could stand there for a week and not see any evidence of growth. However, if you come back maybe three weeks after it’s been nurtured, watered and cared for, what was happening all that time beneath the surface is now displayed as a visual sign of growth. But if you stared at the plant the entire time, it would appear as if nothing was changing. Likewise, in our daily interaction with teens, we’re often watching for growth from a constant up-close perspective so we don’t notice the slow, but drastic, changes taking place. Look at your own life: where are you now spiritually compared to five years ago? I see my little brother and sister every couple months and they look more grown-up every time, but to my parents, who live with them, the growth is unnoticeable. Just because you don’t see the growth doesn’t mean it’s not there.

God never gives up on you. Don’t you give up on spiritually apathetic teens!

If we’re not careful, a youth pastor’s job description becomes very bloated very quickly, not just with all the stated expectations, but with all the unstated ones, too. Before we know it, we’re juggling so many balls we’re doing nothing but stressing out and ignoring what it is that God actually put us in youth ministry to do in the first place. Most of us seriously need to step back, take a deep breath, and figure out what it is we’re spending all our time on that is truly important and necessary for the ministry that no one else can do but us.

For me, the responsibilities boil down to three areas:

1. Relationships
No one else can build relationships for me. That is something only I can do and something I must do for the sake of effective ministry. That includes relationships with students, with parents, other staff members, school teachers, coaches, youth workers at other local churches, my family and most importantly, with God.

2. Solid Bible Teaching
I went through four years of Bible college and three years of seminary for primarily one reason: to know how to “correctly handle the word of truth” (2 Timothy 2:15) and to learn how to effectively communicate it with others (Ezra 7:10). There’s no one else in our youth ministry who has that kind of training to take teenagers deep into the Word of God, not just to put a different twist on the same basic Bible stories they’ve heard since first grade, but to provide deep spiritual nourishment that the Holy Spirit uses to move them from spiritual milk to solid food (Hebrews 5:12; 1 Peter 2:2). I take lesson prep and delivery very seriously. What a tremendous responsibility and privilege (James 3:1).

3. Training Adult Leaders
As the resident “expert” on youth ministry, no one else can provide the training for adult youth workers that I can. Ministry to kids increases exponentially when I can multiply myself into other mature and passionate adults by training them to be effective in their relationships with teens. I can only reach a limited number of teenagers by myself, but together we can reach our entire community as I lead us.

That’s how I spend and prioritize my time. Anything that doesn’t fall into one of these three categories can typically be done by anyone else. I feel no need to organize events, make schedules, or design newsletters when anyone else can do it just as easily (and probably better) than I can. That’s why almost all of the major events in my church’s youth ministry are led and organized by adult youth workers. I don’t even coordinate most of our weekly meetings. If no one steps up to lead the fund raiser, for example, it just doesn’t happen — that’s all there is to it.

I have the privilege of just showing up to youth meetings, building relationships and teaching God’s Word alongside of leaders who are well-trained. That’s the way a body is supposed to function anyway.

We had another great Skypecast discussion last Friday! Thanks to everyone who came! It was really a beneficial time for all of us to hear about how God is working in other ministries, to be encouraged in tremendous ways and to receive advice from others who have often already gone through the exact the same things we are. I love hanging out and talking with you all about anything that pertains to “life in student ministry” and “what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (Eph. 4:29).

This week we covered several great topics, including:

• Building relationships with teens this summer
• Prioritizing time and responsibilities in ministry
• The balance between teaching from a plan and allowing the Holy Spirit to lead differently last-minute
• The difference between teaching from a curriculum and teaching from our lives
• What stresses us out the most in youth ministry
• Handling conflict
• Disciplining kids in our ministry
• Keeping different literacy levels and age groups of teens engaged together without leaving some behind

It’s been over a year since my last podcast, so what better time to publish another one than to feature some of the highlights from last Friday’s Skypecast conversation. To join in the conversation again this Friday, visit the Life In Student Ministry Skypecast page at 1:00 PM Central Time and click the link to join the discussion via Skype. If you don’t have a microphone, don’t worry — you can still interact via the group chat room.

Subscribe to the podcast in iTunes

Click the Play button below to listen to the Podcast here:

 

 Skypecast Highlights from 05-09-2008 [5:30m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

NOTE: This is not an actual letter I ever plan to send to my youth group parents, nor do I currently experience all of these problems in my youth ministry in the first place. It is a fictitious letter based on common issues many youth workers would love to address but often don’t have the guts nor freedom to express.

Dear parent,

It seems like more and more of your kids are coming to church without you. I know you see this as a pretty good deal for your student since you get some quiet time at home and most of the events we do are paid-for, but you should know that there is no greater influence in your child’s life than you. Whether they tell you or not, your kid actually wants you involved in their life, even here at church. Come visit us sometime with your student and see how your relationship can grow together!

And then there’s some of you who actually forbid your teenager from attending youth Bible studies. You should know that the church is one of the last places on earth where basic morality and values are still taught, since schools are now forbidden to do so. We teach your teenager to obey you and respect you because that’s what the Lord expects from them. We also help your teenager address matters like relationships, making good choices, and setting priorities. With all the negativity and lies the media is using to bombard teenagers, we remain a light to help steer your student toward a growing relationship with the Lord.

Parents, please guide your child to be faithful in church attendance. Teenagers aren’t allowed to choose whether or not they want to go to school. Neither should you assume that they are mature enough to decide for themselves about church. Please, do not enable them to form the idea that church involvement should be based on the level of entertainment it provides. Teach your student not develop a consumerism mindset of, “What can the church do for me?” but instead approach church with the biblical mindset of, “How can I serve the body?”

What I don’t understand is how you’ll never ground your student from school, yet grounding him/her from church is acceptable, as if academic education is more important than spiritual training. You keep your student at home to watch TV, play on the Internet and listen to the radio when they actually need a good dose of spiritual encouragement. Maybe you should ground them to church instead of away from it.

We love going on trips and pulling off events for your student, but please ensure that he/she honors their commitment. The church invests many resources into these activities and when your child drops out at the last minute, it wastes money that was sacrificially provided by others.

The most important thing you can do is communicate with your student’s youth leaders. If you’re struggling with your child in a specific way, we’d love to pray for you! If you’re trying to teach him/her something at home, we’d love to help reinforce that at church. What you have to share with us can be critically important to how we interact and teach the student at church. Plus, the youth leaders may see and hear things that you should know about, too. Team up with us!

Whether you’re supportive of the youth ministry or not, please do not gossip about it or spread your negativity unless you’re speaking directly to me about it. Especially do not share your “critical evaluation” of the ministry or about individuals in it when you’re at home. You’ll only raise your children to be cynical and negative toward the church. They will grow up viewing church with the perspectives you model, so please be a gracious in your speech and attitude.

I’m actually not against criticism at all. In fact, I embrace your loving and respectful feedback since you can often see important issues I may never notice. However, please come straight to me with your concerns. Going to anyone else first is what the Bible calls gossip. When you come to me with a problem, also come prepared to offer a solution and the willingness to be a part of resolving the issue.

Thank you for your support! I pray for you regularly and hope we can continue to partner together in seeing your students’ lives transformed into a reflection of Christ.

– Your Youth Pastor

An interesting shift has taken place in our Sr. High large-group meetings. For a while I’ve felt pressure toward the end of each meeting to quickly wrap up our Bible study in order to end on time, not because we started late but because discussions naturally seemed to progress past our allotted time. I thought our typical hour of games, fun and relationship building followed by 30 minutes of Bible study was working okay — numbers were steady and no one was complaining — but when we started Dare 2 Share’s G.O.S.P.E.L. Journey, the 40 minute DVD sessions caused our meeting format to slowly morph into 15 minutes of games, fun, relationship building and worship with 75 minutes of Bible study. Even then, we still went another 15 minutes overtime before abruptly ending some of the most stimulating theological discussions we’ve ever had.

Throughout the time format shift I was concerned that we’d confuse some of the new believers in our group by going too deep too fast, but actually the Bible became more intriguing for them and they started asking deeper questions. They wanted to see that there’s an element of mystery to the Scriptures, not have all mystery removed by shallow Sunday school answers.

I also anticipated that some of the kids might start to drop out since the Bible study was now three times longer than usual, but actually the opposite happened — some started inviting friends on their own initiative. New students are still coming almost every week! Our Sr. High room is now jam-packed with kids filling every couch, sitting all over the floor and even spilling out into the entry-way.

I’m embarrassed by this realization: kids don’t come to youth group because they need me to organize dodge ball for them; they come because they want to be deeply challenged in their faith. They’re tired of superficial churchy Bible lessons from some one-size-fits-all cookie-cutter curriculum manufacturer — they want to move from spiritual milk to solid food (1 Peter 2:2; Hebrews 5:11-14) and I regret to say that my approach to youth group was not facilitating the process as it should have. No longer am I essentially bribing kids to church with fun stuff and then quickly throwing in some Bible stuff before they run out the door.

After gaining feedback from a couple high school students, we decided to continue with the current format of 10-15 minutes of games and/or worship with 75 minutes of in-depth Bible study. In fact, the two choices between which studies to do next were How To Study The Bible, based on my Bible college and seminary notes, or systematic theology! We decided to start with an in-depth 6-week series on the former (with homework!) and will pick up the latter next. Just last week I spent about 15 hours preparing for How to Study the Bible and I’m pumped! (Sorry, can’t share my notes here because it’s heavily based on copyrighted material from my former Bible college and seminary professors, but the book I’m distributing to the kids is: “Living By The Book,” by Howard Hendricks.)

Dare 2 Share’s Deep and Wide Ministry Thesis ties in exactly with what is happening at our Sr. High large-group meetings: as teens grow deeper in their faith, they become more passionate and reach more people for Christ. Likewise, Mark Batterson is drawing the same conclusions when he blogged last week, “It seems to me that emerging generations don’t want watered-down, dumbed-down, or soft-sell versions of the truth. I think they want to be challenged and confronted.” Willow Creek’s REVEAL study is showing that the exact same thing is also true for adults. In fact, Willow is changing their entire ministry strategy because of it, and I think I am, too.

I also don’t give info on to other teachers to pass along to their small groups or classes. Other youth groups communicate updates every week and that’s fine for them, but I just choose not to because that “info download” time can take place just as easily (and more effectively) through a variety of other means. I don’t like to take time away from our lesson, games, worship and fun time together for it. So, here’s how I communicate news and announcements to my group.

Our website:
About once or twice a week I post all the latest news, info and announcements on the front page of our youth group website. That way, every time kids or parents visit the site it’s right there in front of them with direct links to everything they need, like a sign-up page or form download. (Details about our site here.)

Email list:
Yeah, I know, email is pretty outdated for teens, but parents still use it. When I post new information on the front page of our website, it automatically generates an email that sends the new post to our mailing list (using Feedblitz).

Facebook group:
It’s hard to fit all the news for the week into a mass private message to everyone in our Facebook group since it can tend to be pretty long. So, instead I briefly cover the highlights and super-important items and include a link back to the more comprehensive post on our website for more information.

Txt message list:
Having a txt message list is an invaluable tool for us, especially because it allows us to change event details at the last minute and communicate it with everyone in a matter of seconds, regardless of whether they’re in front of a computer or not. It’s also great for brief reminders. (I use TxtSignal.com and highly recommend them.)

Bulletin insert:
Of course, there’s always visitors to our church and people who don’t use the Internet, email or txt messaging, so we take the news I post to the website and print it out as a bulletin insert each week. It’s helpful for parents and guests to have in-hand each week and serves as a flyer for kids to hand out to friends.

Basically, I type the announcements once and it’s distributed in a variety of ways. Granted, it sometimes takes some time to re-train people who are used to having info spoon-fed to them, but overall it makes them more responsible to stay up-to-date and it sure makes my life a lot simpler.

Some past ideas I’ve used that don’t work too well anymore:

AIM:
I created an AOL Instant Messenger screen name for our youth group, left it online 24/7 in the church office, and put announcements in the away message for kids to check whenever they’re online. It was fun for a little while, but eventually kids stopped using it because they got used to seeing it in their buddy lists all the time.

Skype-in hotline:
Everyone’s thought of having a call-in hotline where people can listen to a recording of the latest announcement low-down, but it can be expensive to have a dedicated line for it, so I purchased a Skype-In number, which is significantly cheaper. No one really used it, though. Kids aren’t excited about me rattling off news at them during youth group so they rarely take the initiative to hear it on purpose.

Phone calls:
Although this is by far the best option available if you only have to contact a couple students, it’s a nightmare for anything more than 20 kids. You leave messages that aren’t passed on and it’s not very time efficient (in a good way, though). On the flip side, it’s an excellent way to connect with parents if they answer when you call their kid.

Because…

1. It’s not about you.

2. Poor decisions are made without the company of others.

3. Pride or discouragement easily sink in.

4. There’s no accountability.

5. You can only reach a limited number of students.

6. Burnout.

7. There’s no one to continue the ministry when you leave.

8. The ministry is unbalanced because it’s based on only one person’s gifts.

Lest you think your ministry isn’t a one-man-show, better make sure and ask those around you.

1. Youth pastors don’t work all day.
Yeah, you got me. I just sit in my office playing Xbox, checking Facebook and chucking paper airplanes around the room. lol Whatever. Forget preparing Bible lessons, interviewing and screening new volunteers, planning events, further education and training, dreaming the vision, connecting with kids after school, preparing reports, church meetings and all the miscellaneous stuff.

2. Youth pastors are supposed to fix kids for parents.
Shoot, I missed that in my job description. Dear parent, lemme check your job description in scripture… Yup, that’s your responsibility. Now, how can I help you?

3. Youth ministry isn’t a real career.
It’s good for those who still aren’t sure what they really want to do when they grow up, which is why I don’t ever plan to “grow up” to what the world expects. Sure, it doesn’t pay the salary that a normal job would, but a short 50 year career on earth is nothing compared to an eternity of treasures in heaven.

4. A strong healthy ministry WILL produce numbers!
Healthy ministry never guarantees spiritual growth let alone numerical growth. Spiritual growth is solely a work of the Holy Spirit in a person’s life. Numerical growth happens in both unhealthy ministries and healthy ones a like. I know many healthy ministries that aren’t growing numerically. Why? I guess because God’s plan for them right now is be diligent in focusing on the few students who are already there. Numerical growth can be an indication of health, but never a decisive one.

5. Students have no desire for God’s Word!
“Studies show that, out of the 66 books of the Bible, teenagers can only say something about the contents of Genesis, Matthew, Mark, Luke, John and Revelation. They have no desire for God’s Word!” I agree that Biblical literacy is an issue, but you’re making a pretty bold assumption to equate illiteracy to no desire for the Word. Biblical literacy and desire for the Word are two different things. Can not a new believer have a desire for the Word and still be Biblically illiterate? Can not a teenager have a desire to apply Biblical principles to his/her life without knowing the synopsis of every book of the Bible? The opposite is also true. A person can be thoroughly familiar with every book in the Bible and have not desire for growth or personal application. (Hint: Pharisees.)

Got any others to add?

Another great question showed up in my Inbox last week. The author wishes to remain anonymous, but would love to have your feedback.

I am in my first year of Youth Ministry…. My biggest headache has been that all of my volunteers including my wife are super busy and they don’t have much time to really invest in these kids. We don’t have a huge youth group (20 or so) but I can’t invest in them all or I’ll just be another statistic. Some have said, “If your volunteers don’t have time then they shouldn’t be youth leaders.” But if I do that then I won’t have anybody. I have kids that are excited about the Lord and ready to go, but my people don’t have the time to do that well. I can do it with some but not all. Do you have some thoughts?

You have a couple options:

1. You can try to do it all yourself and burn out faster than belly button lint in a forest fire.
2. You can continue trying to suck more time out of your volunteers.
3. You can invest into a couple kids on your own knowing that it’s better to impact a few than none at all.

Your message indicates that you’re wise enough not to do #1 and you’ve already figured out that #2 doesn’t work, so it sounds like #3 is the best option you have left. If you don’t have enough leaders to be able to invest into every student individually, then you’ll have to start with a couple yourself and pour your life into them. Don’t worry about the critics who accuse you of playing favorites. Read about that here.

As you set the example and invest into a couple students on your own, here are some suggestions that might help the other adults come on board with their priorities and commitments:

1. Share stories with the other leaders about your time with the students.
Tell them about the life-change you see taking place, show them how excited you are, talk about the ways God has rewarded you and stretched you through it. In essence, make them feel like they’re missing out on a HUGE opportunity — because they are. The opportunity to change lives for Christ.

2. Hold the standard high for your volunteers.
Nothing communicates to a student “you’re not that important to me” more than showing them that “I don’t have time for you.” For the sake of your kids, don’t let adults do that to them if you have the authority to prevent it. For adults who commit to the higher standard, hold them to it. It’s better to have one or two committed adults than 10 half-committed ones.

3. Pray for God to raise adult leaders in your community.
And don’t just pray with the same passion most people equate with standing in line at the DMV. Beg God for leaders, plead with Him. Present your case in prayer and desperately ask God to supply role models to partner with you. But in the meantime, be willing to accept His answer of, “Right now I just want to use you in this community of students even though you’re outnumbered like Gideon.”

4. Lovingly challenge their priorities.
Only you know if you have a relationship with the adults that will permit you to do that, and even if you do, make sure you talk with your Sr. Pastor or supervisor first. Seek their advice on how to best approach this.

I got this email a couple weeks ago and was encouraged by the recipient to share my response publicly. Feel free to chime in your two cents, as well. Here ya go!

We moved to a very small town in KY this summer and are attending the church my parents go to because of the people there. The problem is our daughter (6th grade) is the only youth in the church…. We tried going to a church a town over that had a youth group, but the people were not very friendly. Do you have any suggestions on how to handle the single youth church? I end up teaching her Sunday school class, like your article said about teaching the ones who are there, but it is hard to find someone willing to give up going to Sunday School to teach just one child. Do you suggest to keep trying other churches? We have suggested they hire a part time youth director (the church is inheriting a sizable sum) to find other kids in the community. Any other ideas to get other adults involved or to make sure our daughter gets the knowledge she needs? We do a devotion each night at home, but I think having other adults help with her Christian education is a good idea.

I totally understand your situation because I grew up in a church with a story similar to yours. The only difference was that I wasn’t the only teenager because I had a couple of my brothers with me.

While it’s honorable that you see the value in youth ministry and are striving to start one in your church, I must say that there’s nothing wrong with not having your daughter in a youth group. Many parents have raised their teenagers quite well without the influence of a church youth ministry. If your main reason for wanting to have a youth group is just so your daughter had some cool activities to do with some Christian friends, I’d tell you not to start it because it will probably cause you more headaches than anything else with that kind of purpose in mind (even if that purpose isn’t the one that’s explicitly stated). However, it seems that your reason for wanting a youth group is because you know that other adults can leave a big spiritual impact on your daughter’s life. That I agree with 100% because that’s how I got kick started in youth ministry in the first place. A adult from a local high school campus ministry started meeting with me for lunch, picking me up to tag along as he did normal errands and meetings, and eventually his passion for students became contagious. It’s because of that relationship that I’m in youth ministry today, not because I grew up in some dynamic youth group.

For you guys, I would recommend not pushing the youth group thing if that’s not a huge need of your church. Instead, I would push the adult relationships. If your daughter has one or two adult women she seems to enjoy and respect at church, ask those ladies if they’d be interested in spending time with your daughter outside of church. If your daughter doesn’t seem to naturally connect with any adults there, pick a couple Godly ladies yourself and talk with them about investing into your daughter. Maybe start by having a “girls night out” where you and those ladies just go do something fun together. Invite your daughter along as if she’s one of the “big girls.” As she starts to feel comfortable with them, start to back out a little and let your daughter go alone with them. Also, if you’re involved in a women’s bible study, take your daughter to that. Furthermore, find unique ways she can serve the body as the only teenager in the church in order to teach her that youth ministry isn’t just what the church does for her, but youth ministry is youth doing ministry.

Essentially, forget the youth ministry thing and pull her up to the adult ministry stuff where that eventually becomes the “youth ministry” to her. Hope that helps a little. God bless you guys!