by guest blogger, Bill Allison

Are You Controlling Your Emotions or Are Your Emotions Controlling You?
It is very important to note that before David had victory over his outward circumstances, he first had victory over his own emotions. Controlling our emotions, whether we feel like it or not, is a very biblical idea: “He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down and without walls” (Proverbs 25:28, KJ21). A city without walls is a sitting duck for invaders. Talk about trouble! This is why God tells us: “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life” (Proverbs 4:23). When we encourage ourselves in the Lord, like David did, we are guarding our hearts.

David’s Self-Encouragement Cycle: A Model for YOU!
Instead of letting depression, despair and discouragement rule his behavior, David ignored his discouraged emotions and did what he knew to be right, prayed to God, listened to what God said and then immediately did what God told him to do. Would you like to start a journey out of the pit of despair and discouragement? Would you like to experience God’s power in the midst of a heavy heart? Would you like to learn the skill of encouraging yourself in the Lord so that you can defeat the discouraging darts the enemy is throwing at you to keep you from effective ministry to others? Then I would challenge you to follow David’s example:

1. Do what you know is right, whether you feel like it or not.
2. Ask God to help you in very specific terms, whether you feel like it or not.
3. Listen to what God says to you, whether you feel like it or not.
4. Obey what God says to you immediately, whether you feel like it or not.

The Ray of Hope that Can Keep You Swimming in Discouraging Waters
In the book, Becoming a Person of Influence, John Maxwell and Jim Dornan tell of a fascinating experiment performed on laboratory rats to measure their motivation to live under different circumstances. Scientists placed a rat into a jar of water that was in total darkness. The scientists found that the rat could swim a little more than three minutes in complete darkness before it gave up and drowned. Then the scientists tried the exact same experiment with one minor variation: they allowed one tiny ray of light to shine into the jar of water where the rat was swimming. With one tiny ray of light, the rat kept swimming for thirty-six hours, over 700 times longer than the rat in complete darkness.

I totally understand that we, as humans, are not laboratory animals. However, I still think there is a lesson in here for us as youth leaders. When you follow David’s example and allow the sources of your discouragement to drive you to seeking God, praying to God, listening to God and obeying God, you unleash God’s power to shine one little tiny ray of hope into your discouraging situation. And that one tiny ray of hope can keep you swimming 700 times longer than if you opted to let the darkness of discouragement consume you.

A Final Challenge to Encourage Yourself in the Lord
The research conducted by Dr. Robert Clinton, Professor of Leadership at Fuller Theological Seminary, has absolutely frightening implications for us as Christian leaders. Clinton says, “Seventy percent of leaders don’t finish well.” It seems that most of us will not finish the race well. If Dan Webster is correct, the majority of us who do not finish well will eventually be sucked under by currents of discouragement until we are finally so exhausted that we just can’t come up for one more breath of hope.

However, my message to you is that we can experience hope in the midst of our deepest discouragement if we dare to be like David, a man after God’s own heart, and do something radical, simple and childlike. Pray. If we learn to encourage ourselves in the Lord, in the spirit of David, we can eventually deal the deathblow to discouragement.

Get this series in PDF format for FREE
If you’ve read all parts of this series, I’d love to bless you with a FREE PDF that includes the entire series and application pages. All you have to do is email me at bill@cadreministries.com, put I’M NOT QUITTING in the subject line, and write me a brief email telling me how God used this series to encourage you. Then I’ll send you the FREE PDF!

———————————————————————-

Who is Bill Allison? When he became a youth pastor, Bill Allison (center in picture below) had six keys to effective youth ministry. Now, twenty-five years later, Bill has six kids of his own and no keys. His kids are ages six to sixteen, including two in junior high and two in high school, so pray for him. Some of Bill’s lifetime goals are to drive in a smash-up derby, ride a Harley on Route 66 from Chicago to LA, and chase a tornado. He’s madly in love with his wife, Stacy, and dates her every week, even after 20 years of marriage. When Bill is not dating his wife or doing life with his kids (and their friends), he is the Executive Director for Cadre Ministries, a faith-based missionary team (with almost 100 years of combined youth ministry experience) who pour their lives out to help churches equip students and volunteers to do ministry in Ephesians 4:11-12 fashion. Cadre has trained and certified many youth pastors to take training back to their students and volunteers. For information on becoming a certified trainer, or to bring Cadre training to your ministry, contact info@cadreministries.com. By the way, even as an old guy, Bill continues to serve as a volunteer in the high school youth ministry of his church and wants to spend the rest of his life training, coaching, and mentoring the next generation of volunteer and vocational youth workers.

by guest blogger, Bill Allison

David’s Discouraging Dilemma
In I Samuel 30 we read of the horribly discouraging day David and his men experienced. While David and his men were away from home (Ziklag) fighting their enemies, the Amalikites (not to be confused with the Hittites, Canaanites, or the Mosquito-bites), burned Ziklag and took all the women and children captive. When David and his men arrived home in Ziklag, they were shook to the very core of their hearts as they realized their loss. The Bible says that at this point, “David and his men wept aloud until they had no strength left to weep” (I Samuel 30:4). Can you relate? That, my friend, is discouragement in all its ugly glory. And just when you think things can’t get any more discouraging, in comes another heart-rending wave of fresh discouragement that takes a big bite out of your soul. Things go from bad to worse for David when his men started “talking of stoning him: each one was bitter in spirit because of his sons and daughters” (I Samuel 30:6). All of this caused David to be “greatly distressed” (v.6). Have you been there recently? Have you recently experienced a mother of all bad days?

David’s Divine Deliverance
What David did next is what separates those who end up as ministerial road kill from those who rise and continue walking (limping?) down the narrow road. With his heart securely held by the sharp talons of discouragement, we read these amazingly insightful words pregnant with leadership lessons for the observant reader: “But David encouraged himself in the Lord his God” (v.6, KJ21). It’s critical to note that dealing with discouragement is a self-leadership issue and skill — for David encouraged himself in the Lord. Did you get that? Everyone else was talking of killing David (talk about a bad day), but “David encouraged himself in the Lord his God.”

First Samuel 30:7-8 shows us the secrets to David’s success in defeating discouragement, lessons that we as leaders today must take careful steps to apply to our own lives lest we be another statistic at the devilish hands of discouragement. I want to highlight four lessons that we need to apply to our lives when we are battling discouragement. These four lessons, when we apply them to our lives, can help us learn the skill of encouraging ourselves in the Lord.

The Self-Encouragement Cycle

LESSON #1: Do what you know to be right, whether or not you feel like it.
The first step David took out of discouragement and into self-encouragement was that he asked the priest to bring him his ephod (v.7). An ephod is an article of clothing worn by priests and in this case is indicative of David’s intent to seek God. Simply put, I believe the first step out of discouragement is when you and I do what we know is right (i.e., seek God) whether we feel like it or not. The context of this story gives every indication that David probably did not feel like doing what was right. Remember: David wept until he had no strength left (I Samuel 30:4)! He probably felt more like giving up and having a pity party. But David makes the choice to do what is right, not what he felt.

If you allow your wounded emotions to control your behavior, you will never be able to rise above that which is discouraging you. David made a choice, made a proactive decision, to not let his feelings control his behavior and ultimately bring about his ruin. David’s heart began to come up from the bottom the moment he made the choice to seek God, though he still had a long way to go out of the labyrinth of despair.

As trite and worn out as it may seem, it’s absolutely essential that I point out that when we are in the depths of despair and discouragement, we should seek God. Obvious? I know we know this, but I’m not so sure that we do this! (See John 13:17 and Matthew 7:24-27.) Don’t we have a tendency to go to other people first? Or just shut down, beat ourselves up and play martyr? If discouragement can keep us in the bondage of our negative emotions and from seeking God, it will ultimately bring us down. So, like David, I challenge you to rebel against your feelings of discouragement, take a step of faith and seek God whether or not you actually feel like seeking Him. Call for your ephod!

LESSON #2: Ask God to help you in very specific terms, whether you feel like it or not.
The next step David took on the way out of discouragement and into the light of self-encouragement was that he “inquired of the Lord” (v.8). Allison translation: David said, “Help me, God!” I love non-pretentious and gut-level prayers. And this is precisely how we see the discouraged David pray! No flowery eloquence required when you are discouraged — David directly addresses his specific heart’s concerns: “Shall I pursue this raiding party [the Amalekites who ravaged his home and carried off his loved ones]? Will I overtake them?” This is bottom line praying from a desperate man. So whatever it is that’s currently breaking your heart and weighing you down like an anchor around your soul, address those specific issues in a straight shooting prayer to God. Cry out to God about it and be totally honest with Him.

“This Day Stinks God!”
Once I got a call from the parents of one of my students who was really struggling with life and, consequently, was very discouraged. I sat in my car with this student for about an hour. I just listened to this guy pour his heart out. He was hurting, depressed and discouraged in a big way. At the end of our time together, I asked him if he would pray to God about the sources of his troubles. He agreed to pray. We bowed our heads right there in the car, and he prayed, “Heavenly Father, thank you for this beautiful day…” I broke in immediately. I calmly objected, “Dude, if what you have shared with me for the last hour is really troubling you as much as you said it is, this day is anything but beautiful to you right now.” He smiled and laughed at himself. Then he paused, bowed his head, and said, “God, I’m hating my life right now…” and went on to ask God for specific help to his specific problems and the sources of his discouragement. The point is that when you are discouraged, you, like David, must honestly ask God to help you in very specific terms, whether you feel like it or not.

Oxygen for Your Gasping Soul
The last thing I want to do in this article is to insult your spiritual intelligence, especially if you are one who is discouraged right now. I can hear the almost angry thoughts racing through some of your discouraged minds. “Come on, Allison, is that the best you can do? I’m totally discouraged and you just tell us to pray about it? Is that all you have, worn out Christian clichés and pious platitudes? How simplistic can you be?” I admit that sometimes when I pray about things they get much worse and that’s even more discouraging. Sometimes, many times, nothing on the outside changes. However, there is something profoundly significant that happens on the inside of us when we “inquire of the Lord” in the midst of our darkest times of discouragement, though we may not even be able to see or feel it at the time. What happens? Little by little, the power of God is unleashed into our lives. Through prayer, a little oxygen is poured into our gasping souls. It may not seem like much at the time, but it’s that little bit of prayer-generated oxygen for the soul that keeps your spirit breathing, alive and hopeful. What is the alternative? A slow suffocating death by discouragement.

LESSON #3: Listen to what God says to you, whether you feel like it or not.
God did not seem to be put off by David’s direct, specific plea for help. Amazingly God answered David’s specific straightforward requests with very specific straightforward answers. God told David, “Pursue them. You will certainly overtake them and succeed in the rescue” (v.8). Perhaps even more amazing is not that God responded to David’s specific requests, but that David heard what God said.

My own experience and journey has taught me that the process of hearing what God is saying takes much time in quiet, reflection, prayer, the Word and in godly counsel of a few trusted mentors. It’s in this stage of recovery that God turns up the heat to cook our character and that makes this part of the process very painful. But it’s absolutely critical that we try to hear from God when we are discouraged rather than just giving up in the process. Furthermore, we need to listen to what God says to us no matter how painful it may sound at the time. God wants to give us specific instructions about the specific sources of our discouragement. We must work at listening to him.

So when you are in the depths of discouragement, pray your heart out, but don’t be so distressed that you can’t hear what God may be saying to you. Be sure to listen for a response from God. Search his Word. Quiet your heart and be still. Listen to the counsel of people who are Spirit-controlled. Check everything you think you are hearing against the Word of God. If what you think you hear God saying to you does not jive with the Word of God, then go back to listening. However, if there is congruence between what you think God is saying to you and the Word of God, whether you like hearing it or not, then move on to lesson #4.

LESSON #4: Obey what God tells you to do immediately, whether you feel like it or not.
When God responded to David, David quickly responded to God by obeying. David took action. There is a time for prayer, but once God has given the clear marching orders it’s time for action! When you take action on God’s directions, you allow God to step into your life and the sources of your discouragement. William H. Murray puts it this way: “The moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. A whole stream of events issue from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would come his way.” When you obey God, whether you feel like it or not, you allow God to unleash his power into your life and encourage your heart and soul.

However, if God shows you what you need to do and you refuse to take action (i.e., you allow your feelings of discouragement to control your behavior) you will not experience a lift in your spirit. You may experience the pains of divine discipline. When David put immediate action to God’s marching orders, God’s power was unleashed into his depressing situation and, before the day was over, David came home with all that was previously lost and more (I Samuel 30:18-20).

———————————————————————-

Who is Bill Allison? When he became a youth pastor, Bill Allison (center in picture below) had six keys to effective youth ministry. Now, twenty-five years later, Bill has six kids of his own and no keys. His kids are ages six to sixteen, including two in junior high and two in high school, so pray for him. Some of Bill’s lifetime goals are to drive in a smash-up derby, ride a Harley on Route 66 from Chicago to LA, and chase a tornado. He’s madly in love with his wife, Stacy, and dates her every week, even after 20 years of marriage. When Bill is not dating his wife or doing life with his kids (and their friends), he is the Executive Director for Cadre Ministries, a faith-based missionary team (with almost 100 years of combined youth ministry experience) who pour their lives out to help churches equip students and volunteers to do ministry in Ephesians 4:11-12 fashion. Cadre has trained and certified many youth pastors to take training back to their students and volunteers. For information on becoming a certified trainer, or to bring Cadre training to your ministry, contact info@cadreministries.com. By the way, even as an old guy, Bill continues to serve as a volunteer in the high school youth ministry of his church and wants to spend the rest of his life training, coaching, and mentoring the next generation of volunteer and vocational youth workers.

by guest blogger, Bill Allison
While everyone has highs and lows, it has been my experience and observation that church leaders seem to have a proclivity for higher highs and much lower lows. My own ministry experience has always been a mountain top experience. Either I’ve been on the top of the mountain or the mountain has been on top of me, but either way ministry has always been a mountain top experience.

When our lives and ministries are moving forward, we feel elated and unstoppable. (True confession time: Sometimes when the ministry news is good, I literally SCREAM and dance around my office in what has become known in our family and ministry as “The Cadre Praise Conga.” I line up my kids and we go around in circles singing, “Da-da-da-da-da—praise!” My teenage kids no longer participate in this celebration. Some folks just don’t know how to worship God! If I’m alone when good ministry news comes, I might even sing James Brown’s song, “I Feel Good.”) However, when our hearts are heavy and discouraged, our emotions plummet us to the deepest and darkest levels of despair. Frankly, I can cycle through the highest and lowest of leadership and ministry emotions in a single day. But what else would you expect from a guy who dances in his office?

Ministry Can Be Worse
You don’t have to be involved in ministry at any level very long before something or someone will sting the deepest part of your heart. You will get whacked! I’ve always found ministry situations particularly discouraging and emotionally disheartening because I expect a higher level of behavior from us as Christians. (See the Bible.) But the gossip, emotional terrorism and viciousness are often worse than many non-Christian environments in which I have worked. That, my friends, is discouraging and though it ought not be, it often is reality.

Discouragement from the Inside
As I write this, I am meeting with three ministry leaders from completely different ministries who don’t think they can hold on any longer. They are beat up, tired and wondering if it’s all worth it. I sat with a husband and wife who have served God faithfully for years. I listened to them pour out their horrendous story. We cried and prayed. No easy answers. No Christian clichés. Just tons of tough questions, soul searching, disappointment and discouragement.

Discouragement from the Outside
In addition to the inner turmoil and discouragement that is often a part of our experience in serving God in the church, there are outside extenuating factors that can exacerbate the sting of discouragement in our lives. Some ministry friends I know are struggling with extraordinary tragedies like children with cancer and brain tumors, and one friend’s four-year-old daughter was run over by a truck. Still other ministry partners are trying to negotiate the discouraging waters of rebelling teenagers and struggling marriages. When your inner strength is depleted and your outer world is crashing down on you, the discouragement is extremely overwhelming.

Discouragement: The Killer of Christian Leaders
Not long ago I attended a conference by Dan Webster. Webster cogently pointed out three common pitfalls that sidetrack leaders: laziness, temptation and discouragement. While what Webster had to say about all three of these leadership landmines was absolutely engaging, it was his comments concerning discouragement that resonated deeply with my heart. Webster pointed out that of the three leadership pitfalls, discouragement was the biggest killer of leaders in the church. He said, “Discouragement among Christian leaders is almost epidemic.” When he said this, God brought specific faces of leaders — vocational and volunteer — I know who are currently journeying through difficult personal, relational, internal, emotional, spiritual, financial or ministerial terrain these days. From there my mind drifted to specific leaders I know who are not only out of leadership and ministry but their very faith has been shipwrecked on the rocks of discouragement.

Dealing the Deathblow to Discouragement
If discouragement is the primary leadership landmine that is blowing up in the face of Christian leaders like you, then it is absolutely critical that you learn how to encourage yourself in the Lord. Why encourage yourself? You may have noticed that no one else is coming to your rescue. And, frankly, there is little someone else can do for you if you do not do it for yourself. Therefore, developing the skill of self-encouragement is seminal to your survival! And God, in His book, the Bible, shows us how to encourage ourselves during those times our spirit wants to scream mercy and give up. One episode in David’s life in particular gives us some insight on how we can defeat discouragement by developing the ability to encourage ourselves in the Lord. More on that coming in part three.

———————————————————————-

Who is Bill Allison? When he became a youth pastor, Bill Allison (center in picture below) had six keys to effective youth ministry. Now, twenty-five years later, Bill has six kids of his own and no keys. His kids are ages six to sixteen, including two in junior high and two in high school, so pray for him. Some of Bill’s lifetime goals are to drive in a smash-up derby, ride a Harley on Route 66 from Chicago to LA, and chase a tornado. He’s madly in love with his wife, Stacy, and dates her every week, even after 20 years of marriage. When Bill is not dating his wife or doing life with his kids (and their friends), he is the Executive Director for Cadre Ministries, a faith-based missionary team (with almost 100 years of combined youth ministry experience) who pour their lives out to help churches equip students and volunteers to do ministry in Ephesians 4:11-12 fashion. Cadre has trained and certified many youth pastors to take training back to their students and volunteers. For information on becoming a certified trainer, or to bring Cadre training to your ministry, contact info@cadreministries.com. By the way, even as an old guy, Bill continues to serve as a volunteer in the high school youth ministry of his church and wants to spend the rest of his life training, coaching, and mentoring the next generation of volunteer and vocational youth workers.

by guest blogger, Bill Allison
I was twenty-two years old and in my last year of Bible College when I got a phone call from a senior pastor telling me that the vote to hire me as a church youth pastor was 35 to 5. I liked the 35 part—but was more than a little concerned about the 5 people who voted against the idea of me taking the position. When I told the senior pastor that I was a little worried about the 5 no votes, he said, “You have less no votes than I had when I accepted the call to be the senior pastor of this church!” So, with some apprehension and assurance from my senior pastor, I accepted the position.

During the very first week I served in that church as youth pastor, each of the people who voted against my coming to the church decided to drop in and visit me. They came into my office one at a time and said the most hurtful things—doing their absolute best to discourage me. (Have you ever noticed that some people in church seem to believe that discouragement and criticism are their spiritual gifts—and that they want to use them on you?) “Students will never like you,” one snorted as I imagined little horns starting to protrude from his head. Another told me in no uncertain terms that I was “out of the will of God” for accepting the position — and was so angry that she got her tail caught in the door of my office as she stormed out. Another held her pitchfork tightly and flatly said, “You will ruin this church.” With the exception of the horns, tail, and pitchfork — everything in this story is as it happened.

In all seriousness, to this day — twenty-three years later, I can still feel the sting of their words — though the hurt is not as sharp as it was once. Let me confess that I spent a full year of Sunday mornings dealing with my bitter emotions. On the outside, I appeared to be okay. But seeing “them” every Sunday wrecked me. Multiple times while my pastor was preaching his heart out, I would silently confess to God the vindictive thoughts that plagued my mind.

It’s no fun to lead when you feel like quitting. After a quarter-century of youth ministry, I know. That’s why I want to invite you to take this journey with me — via this special series we’re launching at Life in Student Ministry. We’ll begin to unpack the art and skill of leading when you want to quit. Why? Because I’m sick and tired of seeing the best and the brightest in youth ministry not only drop out of the ministry, but out of the faith. Hopefully, by the time this series is completed, you’ll be able to apply a clear and biblical strategy for dealing with the depression, despair, and discouragement that has come to be a part of the youth pastor experience. One thing is for sure. Discouragement and his ugly cousins, Despair and Depression, will try to sink their sharp bloody teeth into your very soul and take you down for the count. What’s up for grabs is: How will you deal with discouragement when it comes? Stay tuned…

———————————————————————-

Who is Bill Allison? When he became a youth pastor, Bill Allison (center in picture below) had six keys to effective youth ministry. Now, twenty-five years later, Bill has six kids of his own and no keys. His kids are ages six to sixteen, including two in junior high and two in high school, so pray for him. Some of Bill’s lifetime goals are to drive in a smash-up derby, ride a Harley on Route 66 from Chicago to LA, and chase a tornado. He’s madly in love with his wife, Stacy, and dates her every week, even after 20 years of marriage. When Bill is not dating his wife or doing life with his kids (and their friends), he is the Executive Director for Cadre Ministries, a faith-based missionary team (with almost 100 years of combined youth ministry experience) who pour their lives out to help churches equip students and volunteers to do ministry in Ephesians 4:11-12 fashion. Cadre has trained and certified many youth pastors to take training back to their students and volunteers. For information on becoming a certified trainer, or to bring Cadre training to your ministry, contact info@cadreministries.com. By the way, even as an old guy, Bill continues to serve as a volunteer in the high school youth ministry of his church and wants to spend the rest of his life training, coaching, and mentoring the next generation of volunteer and vocational youth workers.

1. Be passionate about your own personal relationship with Christ.
2. Develop and train volunteers who are also passionate about their relationship with Christ.
3. Hang out with kids and pray like crazy that your passion become contagious.
4. Expect the Holy Spirit do some awesome things to spiritually grow your kids through your influence.

(What, did you think this was about numerical growth? Are you a little disappointed that it’s not?)

The first point is this: it starts with us, the youth leaders. To take our kids to new levels of spiritual maturity means we have to be at that level first. I’m convinced that most Christianity is caught, not taught. We can stand up in front of a group and say a lot of good things about God and, although that’s significant, none of that will leave the impact that the presence of a passionate sold-out-for-God youth worker will who gives students a chance to see a relationship with God lived out in daily life.

The second point is that spiritual growth is ultimately a work of the Holy Spirit. There’s nothing we can do to force a kid to grow. The best we can do is pray like their lives depend on it (because they do) and seek the Lord’s wisdom in creating environments that facilitate spiritual growth. Beyond that, the best we can do is remain open for the Lord to use us however possible in communicating His Truth and let Him be the one that makes the Truth penetrate their hearts and souls.

What advice do you have for this youth worker?

A reader sent me this to me and we dialogged about it over email a couple times, but they would love to have your input, as well. Post your advice in the comments and thanks for your help!
 

His story:
Thought I would say thanks for your ten commandments. I have been sending them to a [church leader] here that has been a real not so pleasant person. He is a great businessman but really has been giving people struggles when it comes to being a leader of faith. He tends to tear people down now so that he can get through what he wants to accomplish. I am not really sure how to read this individual because he an be your biggest pal one minute and then turn on you the next. I am tired of trying to play his game. Do you have any advice?

Nigel Coates, a youth worker in Great Britain, posted a great chart comparing leaders that develop followers and leaders that develop leaders. He says this:

Is it better to develop leaders or followers? In reality most of us try to develop… “followers”, which in the long run is less effective than developing leaders.

Check out the comparison chart he posted between developing leaders vs developing followers. I need to evaluate this for myself and I’m also going to use this with my student leadership team.

There are several students in my new youth ministry who are great leaders and man, I wanna make sure they get all the training and experience they need to serve their peers! So, I’m starting a Student Leadership Team (SLT). I’ve never formed a team like this before and the church has never had a Student Leadership Team, so it’s a trial and error learning experience for both of us. Here’s my brainstorming so far. Any input or suggestions is greatly appreciated!

Purpose
To train, develop and equip godly student leaders to impact their generation for Christ.

Selection process
Sr. High students are nominated by the adult volunteer team and youth pastor based on the following qualifications:

• Potential leadership ability.
• Desire for spiritual and personal growth.
• Emotional, mental and spiritual maturity.
• Commitment to the student ministry at Alexandria Evangelical Covenant Church.
• Respect for peers and adults.
• Willingness to serve humbly and sacrificially.
• Teachable spirit.

Responsibilities
…of all students

• Attend monthly SLT Bible studies and accountability groups.
• Regularly attend church services, participate in worship and commit to tithing.
• Regularly attend youth group meetings and activities.
• Be diligent, faithful and dependable in individual areas of responsibly.
• Attend scheduled trainings, retreats, trips and special events for the SLT.
• Respectfully follow the leadership and instructions of the mentoring adult leader.
• Debrief with mentoring adult leader after exercising leadership responsibilities.
• Commit to regular prayer, Bible study, evangelism, personal worship, scripture memorization and accountability in these areas among other students on the SLT.
• Attend select adult volunteer meetings and trainings.
• Participate in problem-solving.
• Find areas of need in the youth ministry and offer suggestions for improvement.
• Always publicly support and protect the youth ministry, its leaders and decisions. Address frustrations and concerns privately with the youth pastor, mentor and SLT.
• Diffuse gossip, rumors and conflict.
• Be a leader before being a friend.
• Stay positive even when things go bad.
• Serve school by praying for it, connecting with other Christians, and meeting the new people.
• Intentionally find ways to encourage other students.
• Serve as Angel Tree camp counselors.
• Practice as many of these items as possible at home.

…of select individual students

• Lead a Bible study at school.
• Assist an adult volunteer in a small group as an apprentice.
• Prepare and lead aspects of youth meetings, including prayer times, announcements, games, Bible lessons, music, worship, lighting, PowerPoint, event registrations, etc.
• Intentionally build relationships with youth group visitors, record their contact information and follow-up later that week.
• Follow-up with students who have missed more than two- weeks of youth group or small groups.
• Serve in Childrens Ministry and Jr. High ministry.
• Get other students involved by leading a ministry team (drama or worship team, for example).
• Organize student involvement in Sunday morning services.
• Maintain music CD library system.
• Maintain a directory of contact info for the youth group.
• Website design, updates, forum moderation.
• Graphic design and video production for Bible lessons, ministries, and worship.
• Any other area as deemed appropriate by the youth pastor, mentors and student leader.

…of the Youth Pastor

• Lead monthly in-depth Bible studies through theology that challenges each student in their individual walks with Christ. “How to study the Bible.”
• Provide trainings for the SLT in their areas of responsibility.
• Discover areas for character development in each student and address them individually.
• Assign leadership responsibilities to students based on the individual’s spiritual gifts, passions and vision for ministry.
• Assign an adult mentor to each student.
• Train adult volunteers to teach and utilize their SLT student effectively.
• Provide encouragement and input for all mentors and student leaders.
• Oversee the SLT ministry.

…of mentoring adult volunteers

• Contact the student outside of church once a week to pray together and encourage him/her.
• Speak well of the student both privately and publicly.
• Report to the youth pastor on a monthly basis about the struggles and successes of the student leader.
• Assign tasks to the student leader in their area of responsibility.
• Ensure that the student is successful and learns from each experience.
• Debrief with the student after each experience to review what was done well and discuss what can be done better.

I’m going to be honest: every item I list here is based on tendencies I’ve noticed in myself over the past several months. If you’re a regular reader of my blog, maybe you’ve even noticed some of them pop up in my previous writings. When I take a step back and write about it, it’s so easy to see how foolish I am. Burning out in ministry is not a sudden event in time that will take me by surprise, like a bursting firecracker on the 4th of July. Instead, it’s a slow process over time, like holding a burning match. If I’m not careful these things will eventually creep up on me, burn me, and render my leadership useless.

I doubt I’m alone in this. Here’s how you and I will crash and burn-out in ministry:

1. Ignore spending time in the Word and in prayer. Ministry is easy — you can do it all in your own strength. It shouldn’t be based on God anyway. Spend all your time teaching others how to develop their relationship with God instead.

2. Accept responsibility for everything. Say “yes” to whatever is asked of you and your time. It doesn’t matter if it could easily be handled by a volunteer, take it on anyway because you’re the guy they pay to do it. Besides, there may be no one else willing or available to do it besides you, which obviously indicates how important it is to everyone else.

3. Become emotionally attached to every situation. Whenever someone has a need, be the first to jump in, provide all the emotional support they need and rescue them from the problem. After all, everyone needs a savior.

4. Always serve God in ministry. This is so important that you must sacrifice all personal down-time and fill it with good things like meetings, events, Bible studies, evangelism, mission trips, prayer groups, small groups, and knitting groups.

5. Attempt to control everything. Control all the planning, the results, the future, the people, the workplace, the weather and God. You are the sustainer of the ministry on whom it is all built. If you take your eyes off of any of anything it will collapse and fail miserably.

6. Base your self-worth on the “success” of your ministry. You’re investing your life into this ministry thing! How it grows and flourishes indicates how important you are and how pleased God is with your labor. If your ministry is struggling, there must be something wrong with you.

7. Feed spiritual consumerism. So-and-so left the church and is attending the “mega-church” down the street because they have a better youth ministry. Now you need to quickly compete by offering the same programs but better. Otherwise, the entire congregation will migrate and leave you out of a job.

8. Focus your ministry on programs. This may come as a result of #7. Remember that vision and relationships are secondary to programming. Look at Jesus for example: His ministry was all about getting things done, not about growing disciples through relationships or communicating His vision for the world.

9. Dwell on all the problems. So it turns out that your ministry is the only one in the world that isn’t perfect. Let it consume your thoughts, your heart and your emotions. It’s important to focus on internal problems so there’s no time left to reach the lost souls that are dying all around.

10. Avoid transparency at all costs. Vulnerability brings the potential for rejection, criticism, and people losing respect for you. As a church leader, everyone must think you’re perfect, strong and invincible. Otherwise, the perfect people in your church will have no reason to follow you.

11. Focus only on what’s in front of you. Dreaming a huge vision for the future only makes people feel uncomfortable, probably because of item #5. Passion can become contagious and take the ministry in scary and risky directions, so it’s best to avoid these dreams altogether. It’s always safer to wander aimlessly by staring at your feet than it is to walk toward God’s beautiful horizon and risk tripping.

A reader-submitted question: How do you handle discipline?

“I’ll give you some context to that question. I’m 25. I have worked in 3 churches… My biggest challenge is how do I handle discipline. I look younger than 25 and even then I am still young, so how do I maintain authority when sometimes I still might look like a peer?”

Good question. I also thought about this several years ago when I held my first youth pastor position at the age of 19 years old.

What suggestions do you have for this fellow youth worker?

A couple points come to mind.

1. Establish yourself as the leader from the very beginning. Although you are close to their age, you’re first their leader before you’re their friend. Just having the title of “youth pastor” and the backing of the church leadership sets you apart, so don’t be afraid to use it.

2. Don’t be afraid to discipline. Studies have shown that parents who discipline are shown more respect and love from their teens because discipline proves to the kids that their parents love them. You’re the leader of the group, so you set the tone and standards for what happens. Enforce it.

3. Be consistent. If you say there are certain consequences for an offense, follow through with it. Although it’s hard the first couple times, you earn their respect and they learn to trust your word when you say something.

4. Don’t be timid because you’re young. Pretty much the same as #2. Be assertive, take charge and do whatever is necessary to manage the group. Again, you’re the leader. If they don’t respect your authority, the group may become chaotic and ministry effectiveness will dwindle.

Basically, it comes down being tough and setting yourself as the leader. Hopefully you can do this by earning their trust and respect, but if not, you may have to enforce it in other ways whether they like it or not. It’s part of your job, ya know?

Setting some guidelines and boundaries officially on paper is a good idea, too. Just make sure everything you state is enforceable and that you follow-up on it appropriately when violations occur. Otherwise it’ll loose credibility and be pointless. When/if you write up something, make sure you state everything in a positive sense, as if each point is for the benefit of the ministry and those involved. You don’t want just some big list of negative do’s and don’ts. That feels very restricting to the participants.