Luke McFadden asks for some input about what to do with the youth group on his very first night as a youth pastor.

I’m starting at my first ministry position this coming week. What should I do for the first night? I know it is important to build relationships early on in ministry, but I don’t want to neglect the Word either.

I highly recommend that you don’t come in and start an in-depth Bible series on the first night. Although I totally understand what you’re saying, that first night no one is thinking, “I wonder how well this guy can teach the Bible?” Instead, everyone is thinking, “Who is this guy and why should I listen to him?” So, take the evening just to introduce yourself. Share about your teenage years, your family, how you came to know Christ, what God has been teaching you lately, your hobbies, interests, etc. Also come prepared to ask them questions, especially if it’s a smaller group. Give every individual student special attention as they go around the room and share a little bit about themselves. While they share, show interest by asking a follow-up question to something they say to learn more details. For example, if they say they like to read, ask what books they’ve recently read. Or, if they’re on a sports team right now, ask them how they’re doing so far this year. Stuff like that. Basically, even if you’re not a super-relational guy, you kinda need to be that first night because that’s when you’re going to set all the first-impressions. Be intentional about what first-impressions you leave. The main one you want kids to sense is that you’re a real person they can relate to who cares about them individually. The old cliche really is true: people don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.

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Have a youth ministry question you’d like me and other readers to answer? E-mail it to me! Please keep your question brief and to-the-point. Thanks!

Eric Groezinger writes with the following question:

I’ve been challenged and motivated to consider [implementing the Deep & Wide ministry strategy]. My challenge is discovering how to implement this in practical, weekly meeting formats. I’ve watched how you’ve modified your weekly meetings to be more intensive with study and discussion - did you just jump in and do this, how did you share this burden/passion with your volunteers, adjust their thinking, student thinking, etc.

The short version is that my high school youth group had already started drifting in this direction before I even intentionally did anything with Dare 2 Share and Deep & Wide. The shift from “games and fun with Bible study thrown in” to extended periods of in-depth Bible study took place naturally on its own. Significant theological discussions were going overtime every week, forcing me to shorten fun and games a bit more every week to make more time for study. Sometimes kids hung around afterwards for a half-hour longer just to continue their study together! The results of kids becoming more passionate about their walks with God and inviting friends to hear the Word was an unexpected result of that (embarrassingly so). It wasn’t until after this discovery that Greg Stier again encouraged me to check out Deep & Wide. Although Greg and I both agree that the thesis itself needs to be rewritten (the second revision should be released this fall), the main idea of Deep & Wide put words to what we were already experiencing. So, in other words, Deep & Wide fit what was already happening in our group — we did not change our group to fit Deep & Wide. Starting this fall, however, I will communicate Deep & Wide to the entire youth ministry as the intentional direction our ministry is taking. Right now the discussion is just between me and some of my adult youth workers, but that will change in August.

I realize most youth groups and churches may not “stumble” across this like we did and will instead have to make an effort to make the shift to a Deep & Wide approach to ministry. The danger is that youth leaders will see Deep & Wide as just another philosophy of ministry or an approach to try to coerce God into performing a certain way in your group. Nothing could be more detrimental to your view of ministry! Deep & Wide is partly a ministry strategy, but even moreso it’s a lifestyle. It’s not just something you DO, it’s something you strive to BECOME. That means it has to start with you, the youth leader. Unless you first dig deep into the Word on a personal level, become passionate about your walk with God and sharing it with others, any changes you make to the youth ministry to be “Deep & Wide” will be completely superficial. After your own spiritual appetite is fed with the Word and your personal evangelism is on fire for God, only then can the Deep & Wide passion become contagious to your students. Otherwise it becomes just another program instead of a lifestyle. So, if you’re looking for practical ways to implement Deep & Wide in your youth group, start with yourself. At that point, how to implement it in your ministry will be evident because it’s become an ingrained part of you. Nothing else will sit well with your conscious. That’s where I’m at now.

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Have a youth ministry question you’d like me and other readers to answer? E-mail it to me! Please keep your question brief and to-the-point. Thanks!

If we’re not careful, a youth pastor’s job description becomes very bloated very quickly, not just with all the stated expectations, but with all the unstated ones, too. Before we know it, we’re juggling so many balls we’re doing nothing but stressing out and ignoring what it is that God actually put us in youth ministry to do in the first place. Most of us seriously need to step back, take a deep breath, and figure out what it is we’re spending all our time on that is truly important and necessary for the ministry that no one else can do but us.

For me, the responsibilities boil down to three areas:

1. Relationships
No one else can build relationships for me. That is something only I can do and something I must do for the sake of effective ministry. That includes relationships with students, with parents, other staff members, school teachers, coaches, youth workers at other local churches, my family and most importantly, with God.

2. Solid Bible Teaching
I went through four years of Bible college and three years of seminary for primarily one reason: to know how to “correctly handle the word of truth” (2 Timothy 2:15) and to learn how to effectively communicate it with others (Ezra 7:10). There’s no one else in our youth ministry who has that kind of training to take teenagers deep into the Word of God, not just to put a different twist on the same basic Bible stories they’ve heard since first grade, but to provide deep spiritual nourishment that the Holy Spirit uses to move them from spiritual milk to solid food (Hebrews 5:12; 1 Peter 2:2). I take lesson prep and delivery very seriously. What a tremendous responsibility and privilege (James 3:1).

3. Training Adult Leaders
As the resident “expert” on youth ministry, no one else can provide the training for adult youth workers that I can. Ministry to kids increases exponentially when I can multiply myself into other mature and passionate adults by training them to be effective in their relationships with teens. I can only reach a limited number of teenagers by myself, but together we can reach our entire community as I lead us.

That’s how I spend and prioritize my time. Anything that doesn’t fall into one of these three categories can typically be done by anyone else. I feel no need to organize events, make schedules, or design newsletters when anyone else can do it just as easily (and probably better) than I can. That’s why almost all of the major events in my church’s youth ministry are led and organized by adult youth workers. I don’t even coordinate most of our weekly meetings. If no one steps up to lead the fund raiser, for example, it just doesn’t happen — that’s all there is to it.

I have the privilege of just showing up to youth meetings, building relationships and teaching God’s Word alongside of leaders who are well-trained. That’s the way a body is supposed to function anyway.

A while ago Greg Stier told me to check out the Deep & Wide ministry strategy and asked me to share my thoughts with him. I honestly put it off for a while just because of time and priorities, but a couple weeks ago I read the 34-page thesis and was actually surprised how much it coincided with what’s already taking place in my youth group. We’ve been taking a natural shift in this direction already — Deep & Wide just put words to what we’re already experiencing.

Deep & Wide is not another ministry philosophy. It’s not intended to be a formula for youth groups. It’s not the newest, latest, wave of ministry hype. It is simply an approach to ministry that movies spiritually apathetic teens to spiritually passionate teens. And it truly is simple. Just as the book Simple Church advocates, our modern approach to ministry is very cumbersome: we have purpose statements, vision statements, mission statements, core values, target audiences, various strategies, blah, blah, blah. It’s all supposed to fit together somehow, but yet the average Joe in our church has no idea what any of it means, and often we don’t either. Deep & Wide is simple: the vision is the mission, is the purpose, is the values, is the strategy and everything else rolled into one cohesive approach.

But most importantly, it’s straight from the Word of God. As my own ministry has discovered, it’s funny how God works when we actually do what His Word tells us to do in ministry and stop focusing on all the other fabricated stuff we add to it.

Lest you think scripture isn’t foundation enough, Willow Creek and REVEAL are finding that the typical approach to church ministry is not moving people toward a closer relationship with Christ. All their research and statistical data backs up Deep & Wide exactly.

I’m not going to explain to you what Deep & Wide is since you can read it yourself. However, I do have some reactions to it that Greg and I have already discussed extensively. He agrees with my critique and plans to make these changes as they go through an evaluation process and release a revised copy later this summer.

1. The role of the Holy Spirit, although mentioned, seems largely removed from the process. It’s mentioned a couple times, but I think He deserves more credibility in the process than the thesis mentions. Absolutely none of the Deep & Wide stuff happens without Him. That’s actually a problem I have with most ministry philosophies out there — they come across as almost being a methodical approach to coercing the divine into doing something.

2. Although I think the 30 core truths are good, basing it on a survey from leaders in various denominations strikes me as being a bit too human-ordained. Where does the issue of spiritual identity come in (being made in His image in Genesis, being “in Christ” in Eph, etc.)? It seems like a lot of good topics to cover from a systematic theology approach, but a student could possibly go through every issue listed and never come out knowing what it means to be a responsible, growing and effective believer except to have a list of stuff they’re supposed to “do,” rather than knowing who they “are.” What we “do” should flow from who we are, not the other way around. Identity in Christ comes first.

3. Deep & Wide has a sense of methodicalness to it, almost as if it promises that if I do A, B, and C, that means X, Y, and Z will happen, but we all know that spirituality a lot messier than that. The graph of spiritual growth over time is never a straight upward climb. The thesis needs to reflect the bumps and setbacks that will take place in real life and not unintentionally create unrealistic expectations.

4. I’m a little more careful with the book of Acts than the Deep & Wide thesis is when making a defense for what the church should be like today. Acts was an abnormal time period for the church, a period of transition characterized by elements that aren’t and can’t be a part of us today. However, the point that God wants to bring thousands into a relationship with Him is well taken and understood.

5. Teenagers are looking for adult sponsors who can answer “yes” to FOUR questions — the three questions the thesis mentions, plus “Are you reflecting Christ more accurately every day?” I’ve had youth leaders who loved Jesus, loved kids and were real, and I’ve had to kick them out leadership for gross immaturity issues. Youth leaders must be growing in Christ if they’re going to be the spiritual role model that I (and the Lord) expect.

Of course, people usually only respond to points of disagreement, which is essentially what I’m doing here, but I wholeheartedly support and agree with the big picture of Deep & Wide. In fact, it’s the only required text to read and discuss in my youth ministry leadership mentorship program.

If you’ve read the Deep & Wide Ministry Thesis, Greg and I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below, especially now as it goes through revisions.

Thanks to Gerrard Fess of Deep Thoughts by Gman for writing this guest post for Life In Student Ministry!

Top 10 things to know a month after being a post-youth pastor.
by Gerrard R. Fess

1. Your investment in teen’s lives wasn’t the number #1 influencer - seems their parents are still influencing them.

2. References from your former church are important! So don’t burn any bridges.

3. Don’t expect to be called on by your former church. After a few weeks they have moved on. It is a little harder for you though since you were there a few years.

4. Learn to spend lots and lots of time in prayer.

5. Remember how important you thought your Bible College and Seminary degree were? Turns out in applying for jobs outside of ministry - it is only worth the paper it is on.

6. Get some counseling. Counseling never hurt anyone. It is good to know where your heart is at. Your relationships with God, family and others are vital. It is best to know one’s self.

7. Network. Network with as many people as possible to get that position. So often it isn’t what you know as to who you know and their contacts. A big source of encouragement as well.

8. Friendships are important. Those volunteers that you invested your life into - let them now invest in you. Your past sponsors can be the best source of encouragement and help you with references, resume help, and just helping with the family.

9. Keep your attitude positive. If God called you to step out on the water, then He’ll help you walk on the water too. Right now I’m stepping - just don’t know about the walking.

10. Just because you are done this chapter of being a “formal” youth worker doesn’t mean youth ministry is totally behind you. God maybe changing your calling but past lessons and helping others goes a long ways. Just like Joseph Wrestled with an Angel. So we too can struggle with our own calling and where God would have us.

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Gerrard Fess recently resigned from his Youth & Family Minister position and is currently searching for where the Lord might be leading him in the mainstream marketplace.

Here’s how you can be featured as a guest blogger at Life In Student Ministry.

1. “Eh, it’s good enough.”
This is not an appropriate attitude to have toward your ministry! You should never look at a Bible lesson, worship set, communication or the ministry in general and think that it’s up to par. Rather, strive for excellence in all you do and “work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward” (Col. 3:23-24).

2. “It’s not about numbers.”
Numbers are important because it shows that you’re not an inward-focused little Christian bubble. You should be intentionally reaching out in your community, seeking the lost for Christ because every number out there represents a lost soul.

3. “I need to pretend like I’m perfect so kids look up to me.”
Yeah, whatever! Kids need to see that you’re a real human being who make mistakes, has failures and sometimes struggles in your walk with Christ. It doesn’t make you a bad role model — it makes you someone they can actually relate to.

4. “We can’t do effective youth ministry without a budget, a cool youth room and a paid youth pastor.”
There’s nothing that suppresses imagination, creativity and excitement more than focusing on what you don’t have. Instead, focus on the tools and resources God’s provided and run with that! The best ministry takes place outside the church, doing something free with a volunteer adult who just loves kids.

5. “It’s wrong and hurtful, but I’ll let it go.”
Avoiding issues that need to be addressed (gossip, disrespect, etc.) will erode unity faster than anything else. Confront it head-on for the sake of the ministry even if it makes you feel uncomfortable. Seriously.

6. “I’m not funny or outgoing. I don’t play a guitar, have no facial hair, and I’m over 40. There’s no way can work with teens.”
In fact, the best youth workers I’ve ever encountered are retired, white to no hair, know nothing about the latest bands or movies, but deeply love teenagers and have lives that are jam-packed with spiritual maturity and wisdom that no young adult could ever impart.

7. “We need to play lots of games and have lots of fun at youth group.”
Yes, you do need to have lots of fun at youth group, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be through lots of hype and games. In-depth Bible study is what kids crave — that’s fun!

8. “This is pointless. I don’t see any life-change taking place.”
And you may never see it. Sometimes the investment you make now doesn’t pay off until years down the road when you may no longer be in touch with the students. Speak God’s truth into their lives and let the Holy Spirit do the rest.

9. “We need to have lots of programs and activities for kids.”
Having a full calendar may actually be a symptom of insecurity more than a sign of strength. Besides, just because students participate in a lot of church events does not mean they’re actually growing.

10. “They’re just teenagers. I can’t expect too much from them.”
Teenagers have more potential than any other age group! They’re leaders, innovators, creative, passionate, and have more energy than 100 youth pastors on Jolt. They’re incredibly responsible about whatever is important to them. Maybe your expectations are just way too low. Challenge them to a higher standard.

No one is perfect and we all make mistakes, but, as youth pastors, we seem to error in a couple common ways.

1. Only listening to the innovators. As I mentioned yesterday, we tend to only listen to the innovators and wonder why everyone else can’t follow and be exactly like them. If we base church ministry on a group that consists of 2.5% of the people, we’ll never make it. It’s imperative that we build relationships with the early adopters and early majority people, not just the innovators.

2. Starting too soon. What youth pastor hasn’t started in a new position and immediately started itching to make changes (and good ones, at that!)? We all have! But just because we’re ready for change doesn’t mean that everyone else is. Spend at least a year getting to know the current church system, earning trust and building relationships before making any changes at all. Being passionate about a vision is great, but don’t run ahead like a crazy man and later turn around to see that no one was genuinely following.

3. Failing to create a strong guiding coalition. When we move the church and the youth group in new directions, we need to do our best to bring along as many people as possible. Sure, there are the laggers who will always disagree, but at least give them the chance to hop on board. If we have to, there’s nothing wrong with taking extra time to implement something huge when it means gaining more support first.

4. Underestimating the power of vision. If we can’t articulate why something is a good idea because we have a vague sense of why it’s going be great, we’re not going to convince anyone.

5. Under-communicating the vision. We need to repeat the vision over and over again. Not in a way that’s redundant — that’s saying the same thing the same way several times. Redundancy is boring. Rather, repeat a simple message in a variety of different ways.

6. Being too optimistic. Just because we’re the cool youth pastor doesn’t mean everyone will blindly follow us. (Deep, I know.) We need to keep our heads out of the clouds and be realistic about the direction we’re taking the ministry and the pace that will get us there.

7. Not working the process. When we’re excited about something and believe in it 110%, it’s easy to run ahead of everyone and leave them behind. We have to remember that climbing the mountain to the pinnacle of our vision is a process of one step after another, not a single giant leap for one man.

8. Taking resistance personally. Most of the time, resistance to an idea is not about us personally. Often it’s about them. How tired are they? How often have they been burned in the past? Once we take the resistance personally, we can’t have a conversation anymore because the relationship changes.

Read the rest of this series:
Navigating the church system (1 of 5): Youth workers need help!
Navigating the church system (2 of 5): Leadership tensions
Navigating the church system (3 of 5): Why churches change slowly
Navigating the church system (4 of 5): Understanding the adoption curve

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The above material is based on Tiger McLuen’s seminar, “Surviving as a youth worker in an imperfect church.” Used and edited with permission. Thanks, Tiger!

In 1950 a group of television producers funded a research project to evaluate the effectiveness of TV commercials. Part of the project’s findings, conducted by the University of Chicago, was later generalized by Everett M. Rogers in his 1962 book, Diffusion of Innovations, where he describes five groups of people who adopt new ideas, products and technology. Although youth pastors aren’t trying to sell a product, being aware of these groups is helpful when understanding how to implement change and navigate the church system.

Rogers’ Adoption Curve

Innovators 2.5%. These are the brave people who are willing to jump into something head-first and think about it later. As youth workers, we tend to only listen to these people because they’re the ones that will support and agree with almost any idea we present. Although they like new ideas and are eager to follow, they don’t typically lead change. If we listen only to these people, we will be fired pretty quickly.

Early Adopters 13.5%. These are the respectable people with opinions. They like to try out new ideas, but are careful along the way. Even though they like to think through the new idea first, they’ll come on board and try it out even if no one else has tested it yet. Unlike the Innovators, they see the vision, acknowledge the benefits and are willing to work through any challenges it might present.

Early Majority 34%. These people are also careful about change and new ideas, but they’ll only give in after they’ve seen enough other people do it. They appreciate the benefits of the new idea and the change it suggests, but the risk factor makes them a little nervous, so they’re content to sit back a little and see how others fair before they jump on board.

Late Majority 34%. These people are skeptical and reluctant to move ahead. They’ll eventually adopt the new idea, but only after they’ve seen it be successful for a majority of other people. Even so, they still prefer their old ideas and would rather stick with them.

Laggards 16%. These are the traditional people who love their old ideas. They’re critical toward almost anything new and will only accept the new idea if it becomes mainstream or even tradition.

iPhone Example
To put this in current product terms, let’s use the iPhone for example. The Innovators are the ones who waited in line outside the Apple stores for two days just to be one of the first to get their hands on the new product. The Early Adopters wanted an iPhone pretty badly, but weren’t hardcore enough to spend two days sitting in line outside, so they waited a couple days for the lines to die down and then picked up their iPhone. By now, a lot of the Early Adopters have their iPhones, too, because they waited a longer while to read reviews, check reports and see how it worked for the others first. However, the Late Majority don’t feel like learning how to use a new product and will stick with their current phones for a couple more years. As for the Laggards, they are just now coming into the world of color TV, kicking and screaming all the way.

Ministry Application
To implement change, youth workers have to build relationships with the early adopters and early majority people, not just the innovators. These people will ask more questions and will require more from us, but it is critical to work with them if we are to navigate the church system and facilitate the changes necessary for promoting spiritual growth while keeping our jobs intact.

Read the rest of this series:
Navigating the church system (1 of 5): Youth workers need help!
Navigating the church system (2 of 5): Leadership tensions
Navigating the church system (3 of 5): Why churches change slowly
Navigating the church system (5 of 5): Common mistakes by youth pastors

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The above material is based on Tiger McLuen’s seminar, “Surviving as a youth worker in an imperfect church.” Used and edited with permission. Thanks, Tiger!

It’s ironic that churches are all about promoting change in people’s lives, but change in its own ministry is often met with great resistance. The church strives for changing lives, but rarely for changing ministry. This often frustrates youth workers to no end because we’re typically young, arrogant, full of new ideas, adventurous and willing to take risks if for no other reason than to get a good adrenaline rush.

Youth ministry, more than any other area of ministry, continually changes. The faces in our youth groups change, the teenagers themselves are in a constant state of physical and emotional change, youth culture changes month to month, and often we spend a considerable amount of time thinking of ways to make this week’s youth meeting different from the last. It’s no wonder that youth ministries are naturally used to change, but we have to remember that youth ministry is unique from the rest of the church in this regard. Change is never neutral for the church. We cannot promote change without expecting some side affects.

Why do churches change so slowly?

• Churches view themselves as guardians of tradition. They see a lot of change around them and most of it is negative. Unfortunately, they become guardians of cultural traditions, not Biblical or doctrinal traditions. Whenever churches have a history that they appreciate, there is an emotional bond to hold on to that.
• We operate like “family” in church. When we’re hired, we sometimes feel like an outsider for a while because there’s a system in place that is unfamiliar to us. It takes some time to learn the system, just like we’d expect if we joined a new family. Families are weird sometimes.
• We have a fuzzy bottom line. Many churches are wrestling with big questions, like, “What does success look like?” The church’s vision is often weak, it’s sense of identity is unclear and it’s direction is stagnant. When they hire a new youth pastor, they do so with a certain set of criteria, but what criteria will they use in two years to say, “We’re really glad our new youth pastor is here.” The same criteria or something different? The bottom line is fuzzy.
• Church members are tired. “Church system people” are tired of change. Most people in their 50s and older are scared and tired of change. They want church, unlike their workplace, to feel stable. Youth pastors often don’t have enough track record to compel these people to invite change. When we say to someone, “I have a new idea,” we have to realize two things. First, change will require work from them and most people are already tired. Secondly, when we suggest change, it will require more work for us. We can only make it through the change if we believe that the short-term pain will be worth it in the end.
• Few pastors consider themselves gifted leaders. Interesting, but true. Pastors see themselves as caregivers, teachers, and relational ministers, not always as leaders. Thus, some pastors lack the courage and desire to implement change in the first place. They feel quite comfortable doing what they love and are best at — loving people.
• We have an intergenerational church. Some youth pastors become so frustrated that we leave the church, call ourselves church planters and start our own church thinking that we can finally build the church of our dreams without the older people who resist our ideas for change. What we fail to realize is that if the church actually lasts, in 20 years it’ll be intergenerational again. The church was meant to be intergenerational! We need to embrace the diversity and learn to work with our brothers and sisters in Christ rather than canning them in order to build an institution of our own ideologies. If we don’t like the diversity here, we’ll hate heaven!

Church people are guardians of tradition. If we inadvertently communicate that their old way is bad and that our new way is good, the resistance will skyrocket. Don’t do that! We need to be careful how we approach change. Both the process and communication are huge. As youth workers, we tend to be driven by the results, not the process. We’re excited and motivated to rush for the end result, but if we ever want to see that end result, we have to be willing to progress slowly down the path that will take us there, always communicating and expressing value and appreciation for the old idea while embracing the new. Remember, we’re not leaders if no one is following, so go slow.

Read the rest of this series:
Navigating the church system (1 of 5): Youth workers need help!
Navigating the church system (2 of 5): Leadership tensions
Navigating the church system (4 of 5): Understanding the adoption curve
Navigating the church system (5 of 5): Common mistakes by youth pastors

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The above material is based on Tiger McLuen’s seminar, “Surviving as a youth worker in an imperfect church.” Used and edited with permission. Thanks, Tiger!

In the summer of 2000 I was ecstatic to lead my very first youth group at a church in Virginia Beach, Virginia. With two years of Bible college and a 1-year internship under my belt, I thought I was ready to take this group by storm and radically change every life for Christ. I was pumped! Although it started well despite my unrealistic expectations, I quickly learned a very important lesson about ministry leadership: almost everyone has a different idea of what ministry looks like and how it should be done and somehow I needed to work with them all. Everyone in the church agreed with my game plan at the very beginning, but only a few short weeks later I was so frustrated, hurt and angry that I wanted to quit and go home. The pastor asked me to do all the “dirty work” he didn’t want to do, parents complained to the deacons that the group wasn’t growing larger yet, the kids wanted me to go play basketball, the elderly banned us from half the church building because we broke too much stuff, and no one thought I was putting in enough work hours. There was so much tension and opposing expectations from so many different people that I felt I might collapse under all the pressure.

The tensions of leadership
1. The tension of results. (What?) This tension comes from various sources. Some of it comes from the people in our ministry who want to know what we’re doing and what it’s going to produce. Other times it is self-inflicted, thinking, “I need to produce results so people think I’m worth something in this position.” Unfortunately, attendance growth become the default results we look for, but it could also be a myriad of other things, such as a perceived level of acceptance and approval from church members and other community youth workers. We need to lead with people who push for results, results, and more results.

2. The tension of relationships. (Who?) There’s also time that needs to be invested into people. Of course there’s students, but there’s also parents, our Sr. Pastor, church members, other co-workers, community organizations, businesses that offer donations, school teachers, athletic coaches, not to mention our own families. Spending adequate time building all these relationships could be a full-time job all by itself!

3. The tension of the process. (How?) Results are one thing, but getting those results is a tension of formulating a plan and getting others on board. Building relationships also takes a plan. Nothing just happens by itself. If the ministry is going exist at all, it will require that there’s a process for reaching goals, even if the goals aren’t explicitly stated.

A youth pastor’s relationships
As leaders it’s critical that we have a healthy self-image because others will often be more than happy to challenge it. If it’s dependent on what other people think and say, navigating the church system will be impossible. We’ll always be running around with our tail between our legs, trying to please everyone, saying YES to everything, and burning out faster than a cardboard match. That’s not being a leader — that’s following everyone else.

When our own self-identity is secure, all the other relationships surround it.

• Students. Most of the time when youth workers are released from their jobs it’s because we’re struggling in an area outside of the kids. We aren’t usually fired because we’re bad with students. Actually, this is usually where we excel because the reason we go into youth ministry in the first place is because we love kids so much. Most of our problems in ministry lie elsewhere.
• Parents. We have a unique relationship with parents because they pay our salary, they have a clear perception of what they want from the youth ministry and we try our best to partner with them. When one of those latter two aspects gets a little out of sync, it can be a big mess.
• Sr. Pastor. The greatest variable to a youth pastor’s long-term success is the relationship with the Sr. Pastor. They will either be our biggest ally or our worst enemy. Respect their wisdom and communicate often.
• Other staff. Hopefully our co-workers see us as professionals because we treat them with respect and handle ourselves with maturity. Sometimes we have to wear a different hat with each person, but that goes along with the ministry territory anyway.
• Other adults. There are committee members, parents, leadership team, board members, volunteers, senior citizens, etc. We speak at women’s meetings, board meetings, and annual meetings not because it’s just another “speed bump,” but because that’s where we earn respect and establish credibility in their eyes.
• Peers. Hopefully we all have personal friends whether they’re ministry related or not. If we don’t have those personal friendships, then we need to make some friends outside the church ASAP!
• Family. Perhaps of highest priority is the wife and then the children.
• Community. The impression you leave in the community is the impression they will develop about your church and its ministry.
• Christ. All of these relationships are encompassed by the most vital relationship of all — our personal relationship with Christ.

Navigating the church system requires that we keep the tensions in check and our relationships healthy.

Read the rest of this series:
Navigating the church system (1 of 5): Youth workers need help!
Navigating the church system (3 of 5): Why churches change slowly
Navigating the church system (4 of 5): Understanding the adoption curve
Navigating the church system (5 of 5): Common mistakes by youth pastors

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The above material is based on Tiger McLuen’s seminar, “Surviving as a youth worker in an imperfect church.” Used and edited with permission. Thanks, Tiger!