You might be a youth worker if, redneck style

Categorized | Youth Ministry

You might be a youth worker if, redneck style

Posted on 26 November 2007 by Tim Schmoyer | Trackback link | Print This Post

The “Top 10 Things You Don’t Want to Hear from your Youth Pastor” went over so well that I thought we’d do it again.

We’ve all heard Jeff Foxworthy’s “You might be a redneck if…” but let’s do it youth-worker-style. List your ideas in the comments below for, “You might be a youth worker if…” The people with the top 3 spots out of 10 as determined by me and my wife will each win 10 free music downloads from artists like Kutless, Hawk Nelson, Jeremy Camp, Thousand Foot Krutch, Falling Up and many new artists (provided by Tooth and Nail, BEC and Solid State Records). That’s a potential of three winners here! The contest ends Thursday, November 29, at 11:59 PM.

Here’s a couple I came up with to get you all started:

If you know what a blue flame is and think it’s fun, you might be a youth worker.
If you’ve heard these words from a Sr. Pastor, “Son, step into my office. We need to talk,” you might be a youth worker.
If you think jr. high lock-ins are a form of entertainment, you might be a youth worker.

76 Comments For This Post

RWPerkins Says:
November 26th, 2007 at 9:19 pm

If you think your 1979 clunker, in which we call an automible, is riding in style, you might be a youth worker ( or in many cases, a youth pastor)

Bill A. Says:
November 26th, 2007 at 10:26 pm

If you’ve been blamed for anything that is missing at the church, you might be a youth worker.

If you can devise an impromptu ice-breaker game with 3 paper-clips, 4 tissues and a sharpie, you might be a youth worker.

If you think suger, caffine and carbohydrates sounds like a well-balanced meal, you might be a youth worker.

If you’ve ever thought, ‘Permission slips? Nah, what could go wrong?’, you might be a youth worker.

jose Says:
November 26th, 2007 at 11:16 pm

…If you make less money than all the people you graduated college with, you might be a youth worker.

…If you ever had a person say to you after a youth retreat or trip, “Now that your vacation is over…”, you might be a youth worker

Len Says:
November 26th, 2007 at 11:34 pm

If you’ve ever had to defend your Rolling Stone subscription as a professional expense, you might be a youth worker.

Duke Says:
November 26th, 2007 at 11:42 pm

If you haven’t had a proper dinner on a friday night for the last 10 years, you might be a youth worker.

If you can justify surfing as work, you might be a youth worker.

If you are over 24 and still consistently attend 21st’s, you might be a youth worker.

Nigel Lane Says:
November 27th, 2007 at 4:32 am

If you ever tried to avoid the church cleaner after Friday Night Jello Night - then you must be at least on the youth team!

Paul Says:
November 27th, 2007 at 8:11 am

You might be a youth worker if…

You brag about how many marshmallows you can stuff in your mouth and still say “chubby bunny”.

Your younger friends wonder when you are going to grow up, and get a “real job”

You go to a restaurant with your in-laws and your wife kicks you under the table to keep you from shooting the paper straw cover.

Everyone assumes you are only a youth pastor until a senior pastor position comes available.

Amy Says:
November 27th, 2007 at 8:17 am

You might be a youth worker if people pull up to a red light and you have the bass cranked up singing to the top of your lungs in the church van.

Amy Says:
November 27th, 2007 at 8:19 am

You might be a youth worker if people is public mistake you for one of the youth members…lol

GiGi Says:
November 27th, 2007 at 8:27 am

You might be a youth worker…

…if you spend more time at your church on Sunday than your Pastor does.
…if it makes you feel good about yourself that you have 300 friends on myspace…all of which are under 18.
…if you and your team laugh at youth worker training videos (How NOT to lead a small group by Laurie Polich is a HOOT!)
…if you have your local pizza place on speed dial, and you see the delivery guy more than you see your own parents.
…if your meeting is planned a day in advance, and you don’t know what to do with yourself the day of.
…if you get to mop the stairwell and hallway because you asked a youth to take the trash out, and he decided to drag it through the *new* parish hall (dripping and sticky).

That’s all I got in my first 4 months of Youth Ministry!

Tammie Says:
November 27th, 2007 at 8:59 am

I may be back. I’m still thinking.

You might be a youth worker if

… you ever declared, “Dude, that would be soooo hardcore!” in response to a senior pastor’s suggestion.

… you followed the previous statement with: “My peeps will be so crunk with that!”

… you only know the adults of the church as “_______’s mom” or “___________’s dad.”

And, I just have to throw in a serious note:

You might be a youth worker if you’ve ever received a phone call and the student on the other end says, “So. This life with Jesus you keep talking about. How can I do that?”

tom Says:
November 27th, 2007 at 10:01 am

You migth be youth worker if….You have a bumper sticker that says my other car is a church bus.
Peole continue to ask you what you want to be when you grow up.
People tell you you are doing a great job when they have no idea where you work or what you do.
Your news years eve parties include inflatables, kool-aid and halo

Matt Says:
November 27th, 2007 at 10:50 am

You might be a youth worker if…Spam is a part of every game you play.
you tell your students watch this before many bones are broken.
you clean, paint, and do all the fix up on the church.
halo, golf, and basketball are your top three assets.

Eric Says:
November 27th, 2007 at 11:43 am

You might be a youth worker if…

… you were the last person at church to use the industrial cleaners. And the last person before that, too.

… you are asked to translate text messages from your co-workers’ teenagers multiple times per day.

… you have had the “protective adult male” talk with a prospective boyfriend, and the girl in question wasn’t your daughter.

… you have received more than one phone call at late-thirty at night from a 13- to 16-year-old girl, in tears, asking you to pray with her.

Jeremy Says:
November 27th, 2007 at 12:12 pm

You might be a youth worker if….

…you have ever had a chinese fire drill on a freeway exit ramp and fully understand the complexities of a chinese fire drill.
…you can text message faster than the average 13 year old student.
…you have actually surfed on a mattress.
…you repeat the line over and over…”I can’t believe I get paid to do this!”

Chris Says:
November 27th, 2007 at 2:26 pm

If you consider balcony jumping an extreme sport, and participate in it with your students you might be a youth worker.

If your senior pastor catches you playing football in the lobby by the glass entry doors and says to you, “You shouldn’t be doing that” while standing in front of the students and you wait until he walks away to resume the game becuase it’s 3rd and 1 and you are about score to win the game you might be a youth worker.

If your research includes (but is not limited to) video games, sporting events, movies and fast food restaurants you might be a youth worker.

If you have fantasized about drowning a student in the batpistry while doing a baptism you might be a youth worker.

If you have ever sat with a family through the night during a crisis you might be a youth worker.

If you have ever sat with a student while they tell they’re parents they are struggling with cutting (put your addiction here) you might be a youth worker.

If you have ever made $277.05 a month working for a church leading their youth ministry and the janitor made more than you, you might be a youth worker. (very true story here)

If you have ever had people come into your church while you are sitting in your office and they ask, “Is there a pastor in?” and when you reply, “Yes. I am actually our youth pastor” and they say, “Are you kidding me?” you might be a youth worker.

If you have ever caught students displaying some gratuitous PDA you might be a youth worker.

If you have ever been relied on to do all of the tech stuff in the church for every ministry then get asked why you aren’t doing your job by some congregates you might be a youth worker.

If you have ever laughed extremely hard and went into convulsions while watching someone administer a wedgie that rips the elastic band right off of the victim and you snorted your beverage through your nose while shouting, “Man that’s awesome!” at the same time, you might be a youth worker.

If you have ever played dodge ball in wal-mart with some of your students while on a ski retreat you might be a youth worker.

If you have ever been the victim of a TP job you might be a youth worker.

If your senior pastor asks, “how come you get all of the cool free stuff?” you might be a youth worker.

If your senior pastor walks by your office with a board member and you are playing Halo 3 and tells the board member, “He’s not playing video games…he’s doing market research you might not only have an awesome senior pastor but you might also be a youth worker.

Blaine Says:
November 27th, 2007 at 2:30 pm

…if you declare your XBOX 360 a business expense on your taxes…

Amy Says:
November 27th, 2007 at 3:20 pm

If your youth members are some of your closet friends.

If you act like one of the youth members.

If you get more into the games and events than the youth members.

If some of your best memories are in a church van.

If it makes you sad that your youth members are growing up.

If the highlight of your life is going somewhere with the youth.

Jerry Schmoyer Says:
November 27th, 2007 at 3:37 pm

If you find yourself regularly explaining teens to adults and adults to teens, you may be a youth pastor.

If the teens think you are too much an adult to be one of them, and the adults think you are too much a teen to be one of them, you may be a youth pastor.

If people still ask you what you want to be when you grow up you may be a youth pastor.

Troy Says:
November 27th, 2007 at 3:40 pm

you might be a youth worker if….

you still have the grape juice on the shelf in your office from the time you led communion with your groups 9months ago.

you’d prefer to text someone than call

your office always smells like some form of fast food

the most common question you answer is “what do you actually DO?”

your morning starts at 1pm

you cried when Chubby Bunny got outlawed

you constantly hear “you need to clean your desk”

sardines and spam can be found on a shelf in your office at any given time

facebook is the first thing you check at your office in the morning

you’re more excited than your students about the front row seats you got at the concert

ryan Says:
November 27th, 2007 at 3:55 pm

your youth want to build a float, and you end up doing most if not all the work you might be a youth worker.

you can make life applications from watching dumb and dumber you might be a youth worker.

you have even considered the idea of going to a buffet and then to wal-mart to buy laxitives and see who can “hold it” the longest you might be a youth worker.

you just got a facebook, myspace, or text messaging and understand what “lol, bff, jk, and ttyl” all mean you are either 13 or your a youth worker.

people at church say that they are praying for you now more than ever you might be a youth worker.

you catch the youth playing hydro thunder on the churches projector in the sanctuary and secretly want to join in but know that they should turn it off before the pastor comes in you might be a youth worker.

you pack extra clothes for church trips because you know that you will get pranked at least once you might be a youth worker.

you pack extra items that your boys forget to bring (toothbrush, toothpaste, soap, shampoo, towel, money) with them you might be a youth worker.

you can leave the youth room with your sides hurting from laughing so hard and not want to change anything about it you might be a youth worker.

your night begins at 10:00pm because that’s when they want to hang out you might be a youth worker.

you have talked to parents on the phone explaining where their kid is late on saturday night when they are hanging out at the church you might be a youth worker.

you go through “no shave november” with your youth boys and the majority of them could go through “no shave 2008″ and still have nothing on their face you might be a youth worker.

you can’t wait for “no shave november” to be over with you might be a youth worker.

if these are things that have happened in the last 6 months you might be a youth worker.

ryan Says:
November 27th, 2007 at 3:58 pm

you check to see how much hair is growing on the milk that expired sometime in the summer of 2006 in the church fridge, but you don’t throw it out because you think i can make this into a live lesson somehow.

Tim Carruthers Says:
November 27th, 2007 at 4:45 pm

May I up the anty?

You know you are a youth pastor to rednecks when…
1.) You are known as the outsider due to your distinctive lack of plaid.
2.) Your cell phone lost it’s service 25 minutes down the road from the church.
3.) If you are single, the term “fresh blood” strikes absolute fear in your heart.
4.) You have to run around the back of the church to go to the “little boys tree.”
5.) You look up mid-lesson as someone begins to clip their toe-nails mid meeting and realize that this is the norm.

Sadly, I made none of these up….

Deana Says:
November 27th, 2007 at 4:50 pm

You might be a youthworker if…
your definition of a good eating contest includes at least one kid vomitting.

Heather Says:
November 27th, 2007 at 5:10 pm

You might be a youth worker if it has been suggested to you to just live in your office because you spend so much time there.

You might be a youth worker if you start planning the pranks that will be pulled at summer camp a year in advance.

You might be a youth worker if someone has ever asked if you can just be “normal” for a change.

These are hilarious! Thanks for the fun Tim!

Scott Russ Says:
November 27th, 2007 at 6:10 pm

Still after all these years you really LOVE pizza and burgers.

Your the one who made a fart sound after lights out just to laugh at the junior high boys with how they react.

Your biological kids begin acting like teenagers before their time because they are around them often.

You look at the continual amount of evening meetings that the Senior Pastor has to put in to keep the church running, arguing with committes about building repairs, the color of the new carpet, budgets and finances, who left the church over issues of utter insignificance etc., etc., etc., and thank dear sweet God he called you into youth ministry.

You tell your youth group that you are going to pown some newbs and they die laughing at you! And you laugh at yourself!

Your teens call you a nerd, a newb, and a dork and you know beyond a shadow of a doubt they mean that affectionately.

Your blood boils when you are confronted with an elder or maintainance person who always suspects that every new problem in the church building must have involved one of the teens.

You dislocated one of your teens’ shoulder giving him a bear hug. (True story)

The only reason you get up really early in the morning is when you are going off to wake another student up with a videocamera!

You think that church staff meetings are a necessary evil.

Children’s ministry scares the crap out of you.

You would love to beat up the Children’s Ministry guy because he always acts so happy.

You try to sneak words like “post-modern” and “emergent” into conversations to make yourself look like your on the cutting-edge!

If you are cut you would bleed coffee, with a slight amount of blood.

No matter how old you are, your car is still a beater and you like it like that ans so does the youth group.

Jeremy Says:
November 27th, 2007 at 6:45 pm

You might be a youthworker if…

…you’ve had a gotee longer than a year.
…you look forward to youth events as much as (and sometimes more than) the youth.
…you tell teens that you love them on a regular basis, and it’s not creepy.

Jenn Bukowinski Says:
November 27th, 2007 at 6:57 pm

You might be a youth worker if… you’ve got your face in a toilet of mountain dew, bobbing for a baby ruth (but it’s okay, because everyone’s laughing with you, not at you).

Steve Says:
November 27th, 2007 at 8:31 pm

…if on family vacation you ask your children where their permission slips are.

…if you take a group of jr. highers out into the woods on a retreat for some “challenging fun,” you end up in the hospital getting 37 stitches.

…if at church, every week, you’re told that you have the toughest job in God’s Kingdom, and all you can think in response is, “I can’t believe they pay people to do this. I’m the luckiest person in the world”.

…if your idea of a “great week” is spent on a youth mission trip or at a church camp.

…if you see a kid sitting off by themselves and your heart feels a tug and you go sit and talk with them all night if need be.

Chris Weide Says:
November 27th, 2007 at 9:59 pm

If you’re cooler to every one else’s kids than to your own, you might be a youth worker.

Erik w/a "k" Says:
November 27th, 2007 at 10:25 pm

You might be a youth worker if…

…you have your local pizza place on voice dial.

…you wait for coke to go on major sale to have an event.

…you have more finger blasters than days of the year.

…your trunk is filled with frisbees, soccer balls, footballs, a golf bag, fun noodles, etc….just in case.

…if you have a myspace, facebook, xanga, blogger, etc. accounts just to stay “connected” to your students.

…you have a goatee and a shaved head.

…you think your goatee and shaved head are really cool.

…try to tell yourself that your shaved head is really cool, but in reality it is to cover up the fact that you are balding.

…your office looks like a category 5 came through.

Alan Says:
November 27th, 2007 at 10:27 pm

If you’re single and over 23 and a majority if not all of the opposite sex phone numbers in your cell phone are under 18 you might be a youth worker

You look forward to the days kids have off from school you might be a youth worker

You hate the color purple because it reminds you of PDA you might be a youth worker

You might be a youth worker if you actually enjoy the pranks that have been pulled on you

Tyrone Says:
November 28th, 2007 at 3:15 am

You might be a Youth Worker if you are recognised by people you have never met, and the nod knowingly…

Matt Crossman Says:
November 28th, 2007 at 8:51 am

You might be a youth worker if…

Your wardrobe consists of nothing but T-shirts from all the retreats, mission trips, CIYs, and youth events you’ve been to.

You make fun of all the cheesy, obnoxious, crap in a Christian book store every time you walk in, but you still shop there.

Your Sr. Minister tells you that you aren’t doing your job, but has never once been to a youth group meeting or event.

You’ve had to explain to the elders why there is a hole in the wall…more than once…twice…four times (true story)

You’ve spent more than 20 minutes of your work day filling out an online; survey, quiz, questionare, or “you might be a youth worker if…” contest, and justified it as work because it’s “what teenagers would do.”

This was a great idea and lot of fun. Thanks Tim.

Travis Jackson Says:
November 28th, 2007 at 9:42 am

You might be a youth worker if you treat throwing water balloons at teens from a golf cart like a covert operation.

You might be a youth worker if teenagers don’t frighten you…much.

Chris Says:
November 28th, 2007 at 9:42 am

You might be a youth worker if you know exactly how much duct tape it takes to hold a junior high youth to a concrete wall.

Chris Says:
November 28th, 2007 at 9:44 am

You might be a youth worker if the best Christmas gift you have received is a remote controled fart machine!

ryan Says:
November 28th, 2007 at 10:07 am

you might be a youth worker

if your “real” job interferes with your youth job.

you have taken a nap in the youth room because the couch in there is more comfortable than the yours at home, and you had to be back for a meeting and just don’t see the point of going home for a hour or two. (true)

if you consider all the students to be like one of your kids and treat them like they are all part of your family if not better.

you are sure that you could probably forge almost all the parents signatures on permission slips.

you have been on a mission trip somewhere and the 8 kids show up on a single 4-wheeler with two dogs and pet racoon and think to yourself i can’t believe that they pay me for this. (i have pics of all these)

you can diagnose appendicitis just by looking at a student

Chad Says:
November 28th, 2007 at 10:54 am

if you’ve ever been asked when you are going to become a “real” pastor.

if you’ve ever had to punish someone for something that deep down you thought was the funniest thing you’ve ever seen.

if you know what a middle school boy is going to say even before he does…and you know it isn’t appropriate.

Nick Says:
November 28th, 2007 at 11:04 am

You might be a youth worker if…

… your motto is “If you’re not getting into trouble, you’re not having any fun.” (I worked for a guy who said this to me)

… you AND some of your kids get in trouble for running in the sanctuary. (really happened! when I was an intern)

Kim Says:
November 28th, 2007 at 1:51 pm

You might be a youth pastor if you ever been pulled over by police asked to step out of the vehicle with you hands up and broadcast on local TV because your youth have pellet guns.

Chris Says:
November 28th, 2007 at 2:16 pm

Okay - these are so awesome, and what makes them even funnier is I know that you all have lived these!!!

You might be a youth worker if you know all the best hiding places in the church from years of playing sardines.

You have driven more miles in a church van than your own car.

You have refillable soda cups from all the local gas stations.

You more school lunches than the teachers at the middle school.

You can win a burping contest.

and on a more serious note

Your heart aches each time you hear about about another tragedy that involves teenagers.

Tammie Says:
November 28th, 2007 at 2:40 pm

You might be a youth worker if you repeat everything three times out of habit.

Tammie Says:
November 28th, 2007 at 2:48 pm

You might be a youth worker if you know the real reason you never see a church van in a Taco Bell parking lot.

And, to put in an additional 2 cents because of the numerous “I can’t believe I get paid for this responses.”

You might be a VOLUNTEER youth worker if you’re over 35 and have rolled into work with only three hours of sleep because you got home later than you expected from the concert/retreat/mission trip.

If your co-workers ask about your “kids” and you are a single person without biological children, you might be a volunteer youth worker.

Revs. Chris and Katie Bishop Says:
November 28th, 2007 at 5:53 pm

You might be a youth pastor if…

you see a giant can of baked beans and the last thing you think of is making dinner.

your desk looks like something from Disney world not office depot.

Monday’s lunch is taco, spaghetti, lasagna, or chili left over from youth group last night.

your wife hollers from laundry room, “What on earth did you DO last night?”

the contents of your car includes black trash bags, duct tape, inflatable sumo suits, bowling pins, and a book from Doug Fields. (Oh yeah…and a Bible)

Revs. Chris and Katie Bishop Says:
November 28th, 2007 at 5:56 pm

You can text faster than your senior pastor can talk.

Tommy Says:
November 28th, 2007 at 6:14 pm

You might be a youth worker if you raise your voice to control the kids and a lady in church calls you their “dad”.

Brian Pengelly Says:
November 28th, 2007 at 10:16 pm

If can’t remember the last time you talked to another adult…you might be a youth pastor.

If you have ever scandalized strangers by answering the question “how many kids do you have” and automatically answering “around twnety but it depends on the week”….you might be a youth pastor

If you have ever selected a candy bar soley for its resemblence to poo…you might be a youth pastor

If you have sat through all 3 performances of a badly staged high school rendition of Oklahoma despite not being related to any one in the cast, you might be a youth pastor

If the nurses in the emergency room greet you by first name…you might be a youth pastor.

If the phone rings at 3am and your wife hands you the receiver without even asking who could be calling…you might be a youth pastor.

If you are in your seventh year of bible college, and still haven’t managed to graduate yet. You might be a youth pastor.

If highschool students in your church make more money than you do, you might be a youth pastor

If you professors have ever questioned you sanity, suitability for ministry, and salvation all in one meeting you might be a youth pastor (and probably a darn good one!)

If you have ever been asked to be less funny in your sermons because you are making the sr pastor look bad…you might be a youth pastor

If you have ever served communion using coca cola and hotdog buns…you might be a youth pastor

If you have ever been fired for too because too many non christian kids started coming to your church, you might be a youth pastor

If when you get to heaven it takes six angels to carry around your crown…you might be a youth pastor

If you have ever celebrated the end of a retreat by setting off all the fireworks you confiscated…you might be a youth pastor

If you have been to 4 countries in the last 3 years, but never had a vacation…you might be a youth pastor

If you are a single guy, but drive a minivan…you might be a youth pastor

If you stero system is more powerful than your car engine…you might be a youth pastor

If you regularly attend concerts while wearing earplugs…you might be a youth pastor

If you know 35 versions of the actions to Pharoh Pharoh but can’t remember where you put your car keys…you might be a youth pastor

If you have ever said to yourself “I can’t believe I get paid for this!” and “They don’t pay me enough for this” all in the same night….you might be a youth pastor

If you have a designated booth at McDonalds, Dairy Queen and Starbuck then you might be a youth pastor.

If the thought of 30 jr high kids in one place gets you excited not terrified, you might be a youth pastor

If you are up at 2 in the morning writing “you might be a youth pastor” but don’t have tomorrow’s sermon done yet…you might be a youth pastor

Jimmy Says:
November 28th, 2007 at 11:38 pm

… you usually wear a t-shirt to work.

… you’re single and own a van (down by the river!).

… you leave movie theaters with anecdotes and sermon illustrations.

… your ‘vacation’ to the Bahamas included 20 kids on a mission trip.

Chris Says:
November 29th, 2007 at 8:39 am

If you get blamed for the sheep poop staining the carpet but it’s really the drama’s fault and you had nothing to do with it, you might be a youth worker.

If anytime someone comes into the office and asks if they’re ministry can have extra money and your SP shouts, really loud so you can hear, “Of course you can. We’ll take it out of the youth budget!” you might be a youth worker.

If you have the ER on speed dial you might be a youth worker.

If the guys at the glass replacement store in town know you by name and why you’re there when you first walk through the door you might be a youth worker.

If the furniture in your apartment is the stuff that the church was going to throw away from the youth room you might be a youth worker. (I even payed for one they were getting rid of)

If you have ever taken in a kid (whose parents have left town and left him behind) to disciple and see that he gets through the last 3 years of high school and never talks to his parents anymore becuase they don’t want to talk to him you might be a youth worker. (there is a GREAT story of redemption with this one that is absolutely true)

If you count the dents, scratches and cracked windows on the church van as “memories to remember this trip by” you might be a youth worker.

If you have ever thrown a hot tub party in the baptistery you might be a youth worker.

If you have ever played paint ball in the church gym and when confronted about it you said it was an abstract painting you might be a youth worker.

If you have ever had to explain to parents why you were 3 hours late returning home from an event because you “left” one of the students behind and had to go back and get them you might be a youth worker.

If you have ever found yourself stranded in an unknown town with a van (or multiple vans) full of kids becuase of a mechanical breakdown you might be a youth worker.

If you have ever been skiing/ snowboarding 4 hours from home and you get paged to the first aid room and you have to go to the ER becuase one of the girls from your youth group has a concussion you might be a youth worker. (thankfully her mom was on the trip as well)

Liz Says:
November 29th, 2007 at 6:44 pm

If you have ever taken a new kid on an outing and couldn’t keep up with them, didn’t know anything about them, you might be a youth worker.

If you have a sore throat after every youth meeting, you might be a youth worker.

If you’re over 40 and still trying to be cool..you might be a youth worker.

If when God first called you to the ministry, you fought it and fought it, you might be a youth worker.

If you have more fun in the flour sack race than your youth, you might be a youth worker.

If you were squashed between five youth that were taped to you, you might be a youth worker.

If you are constantly looking for new and interesting games to play, you might be a youth worker.

Love this, thanks!

Lucas Says:
November 30th, 2007 at 9:08 am

If the majority of your friends are under 18 and you are over 23

If the kids he youth group invite you to do non-church-related things with them and their friends

If you’ve ever been sad because you had to call the police on someone… again

If you’ve ever had to call the police because you knew kids in multiple gangs who were going to have a rumble

If you’ve ever hoped that tonight the specfic youth would be kicked out later than usual

If you know your youth group members birthdays, but not many members of your biological family

If you’ve ever felt like your only skill was loving kids, but realized that it was the only requirement for working with them

If you’ve ever been asked to get a girl (or guy)’s phone number for/from someone who was ten years younger than you

If you talk to kids that don’t know you, and somewhere along the line tell them that they shouldn’t really talk to strangers

If you give unsolicited moral advice to teens who you don’t know, when you meet them in public

If you’ve ever had to convince someone that it wasn’t playing when you were playing video games with your youth for the last three hours

If you know your limit on how long you can play video games straight until your eyes hurt really bad

If the kids in your youth group tell you ever time they have a day off of school, just in case you have that day off from work and can hang with them

If every story you tell at “work” has the phrase “one of the kids in the youth group” in it

You have enough equipment in your trunk to play more than two large group games at a moment’s notice

You go to camp and embarrass your kids because you are twice as excited about EVERYTHING as they are

You own multiples of many types of sports equipment (bicycles, baseball bats, baseball gloves, hockey sticks, etc.) because some of the kids might not have one

Lucas Says:
November 30th, 2007 at 9:36 am

If your Sunday School class starts later than the others because if it started on time, nobody would be there

If you have been to all the local high schools and/or middle schools within the last year

If you get paid for ten hours of work per week, but do forty

If you call up your youth group when someone invites you to a movie, so you can turn it into a youth event

If you’ve ever have told a kid that you couldn’t wrestle them because they weren’t 18 yet, but told them that when they turn 18, you will

If you’ve wrestled 18 year olds and you’re more than 5 years older than them

If people estimate your age to be 5 or more years less than you are

If you are single, but have more than two beds in your house, for lock-ins

If you still refer to church as “big people church” or “adult church” to differentiate from youth group

If you don’t sound weird when you use street slang in a sermon

If you’ve ever explained street slang when you’ve used it in a sermon in “adult church”

If you’ve ever had to defend a kid’s actions to his parents and the parent’s s to a kid

If you’ve ever had a youth lesson that you hoped that none of the adults would come in on, because you might get in trouble for the need-to-talk-about subject material

If your youth kids ask you birds-and-bees questions that they’re embarassed to ask their parents about

If you feel comfortable talking about birds-and-bees things (at least to the point that you don’t blush, so the kids won’t crack up laughing)

If you crack up laughing when middle schoolers make jokes, but feel bad because you can’t repeat them at work

If slapstick comedy is a form of high art

If you read the post about no-shave-november and thought it might be a good idea

If you describe your job in five different ways, depending on who asks

If you’ve ever gotten in trouble for running in the sanctuary

If your main reason for wanting a significant other is to reach out to the opposite gender in the youth group

If everyone in the youth group tries to get you hooked up with every person of the opposite sex who’s about your age

If you are excited about and dread youth group simultaneously

If you borrow music, video games, and/or movies from kids in your youth group

If you’ve ever shared your deodorant and not felt weird about it, or brought an extra just in case someone else might need it

Lucas Says:
November 30th, 2007 at 9:49 am

Aw man, all this posting, and I just found out that it was over ten hours ago… *sigh* I could have SLEPT another hour! *grins*

Chris Says:
November 30th, 2007 at 9:59 am

You carry a first aid kit at all times that contains not only band aids and first aid stuff, but extra deoderant, tooth paste and tooth brushes, tampons and maxi pads, saline solution, a deck of cards and peanut butter crackers, you might be a youth worker!

daniel Says:
December 3rd, 2007 at 11:17 am

You might be a youth worker if…

Your only friends are 15 years younger than you.

Camp is considered one of your two weeks of vacation.

you discovered that marshmallows hurt when thrown.

you have ever been in a church business meeting and someone says, “Oh, we can get the youth to do that.”

you have ever been in Mcdonalds and the manager asks you to get your students out of the play area.

your students dare you to walk through a drive thru and order…and you do!

Tim Schmoyer Says:
December 3rd, 2007 at 7:17 pm

WOW!! With almost 300 great ideas for “You might be a youth worker if,” you have no idea how extremely difficult it is to narrow the results down to 10! Besides consulting my wife, I took the liberty to get input from one of my youth workers from church, as well, to help narrow down all your awesome ideas. Here’s what we came up with:

Top 10: “You might be a youth worker if”

10. If you go to a restaurant with your in-laws and your wife kicks you under the table to keep you from shooting the paper straw cover. [Paul]

9. If you’ve ever declared, “Dude, that would be sooooo hardcore!” in response to a senior pastor’s suggestion. [Tammie]

8. If people pull up to a red light and find you with the bass cranked up singing at the top of your lungs in the church van. [Amy]

7. If you have ever considered the idea of going to a buffet and then to Wal-mart to buy laxatives and see who can “hold it” the longest, you might be a youth worker. [Ryan]

6. If you check to see how much hair is growing on the milk that expired in 2006 in the church frig, but you don’t throw it out because you think you can turn it into a lesson somehow. [Ryan]

5. If your senior pastor catches you playing football in the lobby by the glass entry doors and says to you, “You shouldn’t be doing that” while standing in front of the students and you wait until he walks away to resume the game because it’s 3rd and 1 and you’re about to score to win the game. [Chris]

4. If you’ve ever had to punish someone for something that deep down you thought was the funniest thing you’ve ever seen. [Chad]

3. If you can make life applications from watching Dumb and Dumber, you might be a youth worker. [Ryan]

2. If you have ever said to yourself, “I can’t believe I get paid to do this!” and “They don’t pay me enough for this” all in the same night. [Brian]

1. If you get to heaven and it takes six angels to carry around you crown. [Brian]

The top three winners are Brian, Ryan and Chad! Thanks to everyone who participated, though. This was such a blast! I can’t wait for the next youth worker humor list we do.

Rebecca Ross Says:
December 18th, 2007 at 9:40 am

You might be a youth worker if you still think rolling peoples house is fun.

You might be a youth worker if you carry around panty hose, tennis balls, and other weird things in your car at all times.

You might be a youth worker if you are always getting blamed for the sound equpiment being messed up.

Paul Irminger Says:
December 19th, 2007 at 11:37 am

If you are over 25 years old and ranked over 40 in halo 3, you might be a youth worker.

If an average work day includes, starbucks, video games, forums, and using at least 3 objects for purposes they were not created for, you might be a youth worker.

Rusty Says:
January 2nd, 2008 at 12:40 pm

You might be a youth pastor… if you are covered in shaving cream and armed with a full can and a water gun and one of your youth points to you when asked by the camp director where their youth pastor is.

Alana Says:
January 11th, 2008 at 5:04 pm

…if you’ve ever been skinny dipping with a group of minors and wondered why everyone thought it was a bad idea?!

Sue Says:
March 18th, 2008 at 6:54 pm

If when at the minior injury clinic you check “YES” to the box which says “Was the injury work related?”

When the doctor at the injury clinic says…”What do you mean you got hit with a skateboard?”

Allow me to add on…
You might be a FEMALE youth worker if:

You refer to yourself as the “Youth Guy” just to mess with people.

You go to a youth worker conference and everyone seated near you has facial hair and shaves their head.

The boys hug you as much if not more, than the girls do.

If you “get” teenage drama…even though it makes you want to spew!

Scott Murray Says:
April 29th, 2008 at 1:53 pm

You are asked by a student in your group, “So, what do you do for your REAL JOB?”

Susan Says:
May 9th, 2008 at 2:24 pm

You might be a youth minister if all crumbs lead to your office.

Hannah Says:
May 29th, 2008 at 7:25 pm

You might be a youth work if…
your last three cell phones were all hand-me-downs from your youth

Alicia Says:
June 11th, 2008 at 7:47 pm

when you take the youths to their Youth Conventions, every year and you don’t get any sleep those 3 days straight in the Motel, you are a youth pastor.

when the Youth Conventions dates always lands on your anniversary, and there is nobody else to take your place, you are a youth pastor. (one year, the youths surprised my husband and I with a cake and candle light setting in the motel room)

when your kids complain that on family night, why are all the youths hanging out with us? you are a youth pastor..

when your home is always filled with kids, and you only have 3, you are a youth pastor.

when one of your youths is having family problems, and you take him/her home for the weeknd, you are a youth pastor.

when you decided to have a lock in at the church and you don’t get any sleep, you are a youth pastor.

when its 1:00 a.m. and you get a call about a sad inicident, you are a youth pastor.

when the parents complain, “we didn’t do that when we were their age!” you are a youth pastor.

when you listen to christian reagaee, hip hop, alternative, rap etc, and you like it, you are a youth pastor.

Edwin Says:
August 4th, 2008 at 9:07 am

You might be a youth pastor if you can start a moshpit in the sanctuary and not get in too much trouble.

gene Says:
September 3rd, 2008 at 2:39 am

You might be a youth pastor if you struggle answering the question “how many children do you and your wife have?”

Jeff Says:
November 1st, 2008 at 11:19 pm

If an adult Church member asks you about your ministry, and after you tell her you teach middle school boys she says “bless your heart”

you might be a youth worker

ED... Says:
November 24th, 2008 at 5:18 am

If you can assemble a trampoline safely in less than 10 minutes.

If your idea of a balanced meal is something from each of the four major food groups of stodge, burgers, chips and stodge.

If you go into computer games stores and know the catalogues better than the dudes who work there.

If you can set up rock band / guitar hero, on any platform, in less than 5 minutes.

If people have ever asked you “When are we going to see the young people in the service on Sundays” and you haven’t told them the absolutely true answer that you’re thinking.

If you’ve ever thought to yourself, “Stop whining, the glass fell out the way.” (ie it didn’t fall into the building for once.)

If you’ve ever wished mutilation, plague and death upon the person who stores things in your cupboards.

If parents have ever said to you, “He’s too young for ‘the talk’” when you know that the last three girls he’s had sex with might have other opinions.

If you have had complaints about the noise from church neighbours.

If you have had complaints about the noise from church neighbours’ neighbours.

If you no longer read books, or watch films without an eye to their illustrative quality for talks you have to give.

If you have meetings scheduled with adults who don’t show.

If your office is called “the black hole”.

If you rally to the cry of “I thought you were bringing the …”

If you are really really careful to check for every scratch and dent when you hire a minibus, but hope the hire people won’t be when you take it back.

If you are the world’s leading authority on IT, websites, projectors, drama, art, design, lighting, driving, counseling, texting, relationships, speaking, the addresses and phonenumbers of the entire congregation, and your specialist mastermind subject is “the inner workings of the women’s guild”.

Erin Says:
December 2nd, 2008 at 11:30 pm

You might be a youth worker/pastor if….

you find the fellowship time food leftovers are marked “youth group.”

someone on the CE committee explained you didn’t need a computer because you use your personal computer from home.

you can write skits in less than 10 minutes.

the left over Christmas decorations are “donated” to the youth group.

you are always in the back to the line at the fellowship dinner because the “youth are in-charge,” putting on the program or are just in the habit!

spend your last $20 buying candy at the dollar store to have enough candy for the bible trivia winners.

You divulge your greatest hiding spot ever to the new kid whose parents are late picking them up.

you get told by many adults on the same day that they wish they were teens again to be in the youth group!

you are reading all of the posts above and already making the list your are going to post in your head and noting the ones not to duplicate. (Screaming “I can’t believe I get paid to do this”)

Jeremy Says:
December 4th, 2008 at 9:28 am

You might be a youth worker if . . . you’ve snickered at the sign on the church’s front door that reads “please remove rubbers” and then wondered what they really meant.
. . . you sold your car to buy a minivan just so you can hold more youth in it.
. . . when someone asks how many kids you have you respond with sixty-two and then show them pictures of each one.
. . . you actually remember sixty-two kids names and something about each one, even when you can’t remember anything else to save your soul.
. . . you remember with fondness the lake outing when the water was freezing and you gave and received a concussion cracking heads with another youth who was taken to hospital for stitches to the head, but it was worth it cause some older church people got to know and build relationships with the youth.

Tom Says:
January 19th, 2009 at 10:58 pm

… You miss your youth when you go on vacation.
… You have planned a Chocolate Extravaganza, where everyone pretty much has to throw away their clothes at the end of the evening (but you kept your brown underwear as a souvenir)
… You can remember the first few months hearing: “You’re not like ___ (insert previous youth pastor’s name here)” but you knew you’d eventually be able to look back on those days and smile.
… You regularly pray for kids at your church other than your own.

Deandre McLaughlin Says:
March 6th, 2009 at 6:37 pm

I just dont get that in this day and age someone who is seen as a role model is putting out the message its ok and marrying him is just nuts!!

Nathan Crawford Says:
April 23rd, 2009 at 5:48 pm

You read through the entire list of "You might be a youth worker if…" and take notes because, "Man, these sound awesome!"

I'm about to take on my first youth ministry, so these where fun. I'm looking forward to creating my own "You might be a youth worker if…" list someday. Thank you Tim and all who added. Huge blessing.

Kim Says:
June 19th, 2009 at 12:18 pm

If you know that church vans rocks … literally, you might be a youth worker.

5 Trackbacks For This Post

Despising None blog and podcast Says:
November 27th, 2007 at 5:09 pm

[...] Here’s a friendly little competition for a chance to win some free music downloads from Tooth and Nail, BEC and Solid State Records. Post your ideas for “You might be a youth worker if…” The contest ends this Thursday night. Go ahead give it a try. You might just win. If nothing else you will have a good laugh at what others posted.http://timschmoyer.com/2007/11/26/you-might-be-a-youth-worker-if-redneck-style/ [...]

Despising None blog and podcast Says:
December 1st, 2007 at 7:56 pm

[...] http://timschmoyer.com/2007/11/26/you-might-be-a-youth-worker-if-redneck-style/ [...]

SO Funny!!!!!!! - Christianforums.com Forums Says:
March 7th, 2008 at 2:23 pm

[...] (plus more) was composed by youth ministers and there wives! Here is the link where I found it! http://timschmoyer.com/2007/11/26/yo…redneck-style/ Mychristianforums.com Link: Iwonteverchange.christianforums.com (22 views) [...]

PlugRug.com Says:
March 21st, 2008 at 10:35 am

You might be a youth worker if, redneck style…

We’ve all heard Jeff Foxworthy’s “You might be a redneck if…” but here it is youth-worker-style. Hilarious!…

UYN Newsletter #2 « UYN Newsletter Says:
May 29th, 2008 at 11:02 am

[...] of Jeff Foxworthys’s, “You might be a redneck if…” jokes. Well, take a look at these, “You might be a youth worker if…” posts. Notice that there are dozens and dozens of comments at the bottom of the page. These are [...]