I love talking with students about their dating relationships. It can be such a confusing time with lots of pressure and mixed emotions. Here’s some advice I have that usually comes up during a discussion with a student about their dating relationships. (Feel free to disagree.)
- The question should never be, “What do I want to get out of this relationship?” The question is, “What am I willing to give to this relationship?”
- Don’t be content with someone who only meets up to your list of expectations. Wait for someone who blows your list out of the water, redefines everything on it and adds things to it you never knew you needed until you met that person.
- Trying to figure out what you’re looking for in a mate is not nearly as important as becoming who God wants you to be for your future mate.
- The pressure to “find the right one” isn’t totally your responsibility if you live for God and follow His plan for your life to the best of your ability. When you’re in tune with God’s direction, the right person will come at the right time.
- Hanging out just as friends in groups with the opposite gender makes more sense because then you can get to know each other without the pressure of a dating relationship and observe how they interact with other people. In a dating relationship, both people put their best face forward in order to impress the other person. It’s much more difficult to get to know the “real” person.
- When a dating relationship is over, usually the friendship is, too. But getting to know each other as friends allows for a friendship to continue for the rest of your lives even if you both marry different people. Plus, your mate first needs to be your best friend anyway.
- Put the breaks on physical expressions of your feelings for each other. As time goes on, the need to express your romance only intensifies.
- Never date an unbeliever.
- Cut it off if you ever start to base your identity, security, or self-esteem on the relationship. Find those things in God, not a boyfriend or girlfriend.
- In school you already have so many other pressures and responsibilities, don’t be consumed with dating.
About me: I am married to my beautiful wife, 
October 15th, 2007 at 12:03 am
Great list Tim. One I would add is, focus less on finding the right person, and more on being the right person.
October 15th, 2007 at 12:11 am
Good points,
One I always say which is hard for teenagers to digest it, have a final destination in the relationship, the destination should be marriage, if that not where it’s heading, why bother getting involved, you will only fall into temptation, and it’s not worth it. Just be mates.
So some quick questions I ask are:
Could you marry this person?
If so when would that be?
Can you wait that long?
I realise that these questions are massive and somewhat unknown, but to get them to realise, relationships with the opposite sex are a serious thing is important.
Some people think this is extreme, but the amount of pain I’ve witnessed due to premature relationships is not fun, I’ve also seen couple give away their faith because they gave into their lusts. Jesus is more important than a guy or a girl.
October 15th, 2007 at 7:49 am
Great list. I pray that my kids will listen to advice. I was a teen once not long ago; there are so many times I wish I would have listened… (looking back as an adult)
I love what Brian said too… “focus…more on being the right person”
October 15th, 2007 at 8:23 pm
Duke, I like the questions you ask the students.
I was asked to help teach on dating at my Dad’s church, the youth director took the guys and I took the girls… afterwards when they were back together one of the boys came up and asked, “What did you say to them!?” I later found up that guy’s girlfriend broke up with him that week. God used me more than I thought.